Some funnies - Taken from Actual Hospital Charts.

[citizenB]

 

Apparently, these are actual notes from hospital charts.

 

1:            The patient refused an autopsy

2:            The patient has no history previous history of suicides

3:            Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital

4:            Patient’s medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40-pound weight gain in the                       past 3 days.

5:            She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night!

 

6:            Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

7:            On the 2^nd day the knee was better and on the third day, it disappeared.

8:            The patient is tearful and crying constantly.  She also appears to be depressed.

9:            The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993

10:          Discharge Status – Alive, but without my permission.

 

11:          Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful.

12:          Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

13:          She is numb from her toes down.

14:          While in ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.

15:          The skin was moist and dry.

 

16:          Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.

17:          Patient was alert and unresponsive.

18:          Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.

19:          She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until she got a divorce.

20:          I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.

 

21:          The Lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

22:          Skin: somewhat pale, but present.

23:          The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.

24:          Large brown stool, ambulating in the hall.

25:          Patient has two teenage children but no other abnormalities.

 

26:          When she fainted, her eyes rolled round the room.

27:          The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane run out of gas and he crashed.

28:          Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.

29:          She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December.

30:          Patient was seen in consultation by Dr Smith, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.

 

31:          The patient was to have a bowel resection.  However, he took a job as a stock broker instead.

32:          By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped and he was feeling better.

[honeybee13]

Those are very good, CB.

[tobyjugg2]

He apparently didnt end up in hospital but ...

 

... OMG where did they come from ...

 

Florida man with drugs around penis denies they were his | AP News

APNEWS.COM

---

CLEARWATER, Fla. (AP) — Florida authorities said they found cocaine and methamphetamine wrapped around a man's penis during a traffic stop...

 

 

He was 'holding them' for a really close friend perhaps ... boom booom

Edited January 7, 2022 by tobyjugg2