Wife Left Me With 5 Kids

[ozzywizard]

Ok gonna make his quick as looking after kids,

This morning with no notice my wife said she is having an affair and is leaving me, sxhe is now gone and im in thew house with 5 young kids. What help can I get and can she come back anytime and kick me out ?

house is in joint mortgage names............

 

sorry probably more questions to follow, she can see kids when she wants, i just dont want her to kick me out. . . .

[frettful38]

Well if she left you and the kids and she is the one who is/has been having an affair you certainly do have rights.

 

If this went to court then she is the one that abandoned the children and this will not be looked on her favorably as she has proven to be irresponsible. Sorry but things like this really really wind me up as the same happened to my brother just that she kicked him out and kept the kids.

 

I am sure you will be alright and you'll get a lot of support and advice here. Its not that simple for her to just come back and kick you out, there will be a long procedure and things will have to be proven and you will not be kicked out of your house just like.

 

Sorry to hear your bad news, but people who betray others in such an evil way are not wasting a single moment of crying over. . IMO.

Edited June 12, 2010 by frettful38

[ErikaPNP]

hi ozzywizard. You've posted this in the special needs forum which I'm not sure is the right forum to get advice on this subject.

 

Are you after advise on benefits available or advise about the seperation?

 

I can move your thread to a more appropriate place to increase likely responses?

[PriorityOne]

As you are both on the mortgage, she cannot kick you out... no. She may re-think her decision to leave at some point and decide to move back in to try and pressure you out though.... so don't fall for it, if it happens.

 

As her name is on the mortgage along with yours, I would be inclined to seek legal advice about her continuing to have right of entry. She can still visit whenver she wants (if that's what has been agreed) but that doesn't mean that she should use a key to do it, for example.

 

The situation must be very raw for you at the moment, which is usually prime time for people to play dirty. You may well be hurting over this, but her new fella won't be and it's him that she'll be listening to right now. I know of one couple where the wife left and then moved back in with the new fella to try and force her husband out....

 

Be careful and be savvy...

 

Start keeping a diary of events as they happen as well.... because you won't remember precise details after a few weeks and you'll need to.

Edited June 12, 2010 by PriorityOne
Diary...

[ozzywizard]

Thankyou all for your exelent advise and support, I am after advise more on the seperation and my rights to stay in the house with the children. I have been very fair and let her keep key and she can see kids whenever she likes but it ewas her decision to walk out and leave me with the kids (they all in bed now) . . I will work the benifits out and just dont her walking back in after a party weekend for her and claiming she wants me out and she gets kids . Tomorrow for example im taking kids out for the day and when I return can she of changed locks etc. . . dont think this will happen but my kids are first priority.

[maroondevo52]

Hi, Ozzy.

 

Sorry to hear this and hope you get something sorted, also sorry I can't help you much

 

Hopefully others will.

 

Regards.

 

Scott.

[PriorityOne]

Thankyou all for your exelent advise and support, I am after advise more on the seperation and my rights to stay in the house with the children. I have been very fair and let her keep key and she can see kids whenever she likes but it ewas her decision to walk out and leave me with the kids (they all in bed now) . . I will work the benifits out and just dont her walking back in after a party weekend for her and claiming she wants me out and she gets kids . Tomorrow for example im taking kids out for the day and when I return can she of changed locks etc. . . dont think this will happen but my kids are first priority.

 

You have every right to remain in the house if you are joint owner.... but at the moment, so does your wife. Letting her keep the key is not being fair; it's being extremely silly and far too trusting (no offence). My advice to you would be to change the locks yourself. Whether you inform her or not of this is your choice... but she should not be able to let herself in and out as she pleases. She gave up that privilege when she walked out on her family.

 

I had a similar situation some years ago. I'm a woman but the principle is the same.... joint mortgage, a child, etc. He returned the key to me but broke in through a window when I was staying somewhere else. He took a 3-piece suite out and installed it in hs new girlfriend's flat. He never got the chance to do it with anything else because I had it all taken out and stored in my brother's garage after that.... but it was a lesson learned. I was told that I couldnt report it as breaking and entering because the house was half his.... and to be honest, at the time... I was too worn out to fight anyone.

 

Please protect your interests here because she won't be as vulnerable as you with another man on the scene.

[GuidoT]

The names on the mortgage are not important, what is important is whose name(s) the property is in.

 

If the property is in joint names, you both have equal legal rights to the property, therefore if you change the locks the other owner is entitled to to change the locks (with police presence if necessary) but must give the other person a key.

 

However, it is sometimes appropriate to take control and change the locks irrespective of the legalities of matters.

[ErikaPNP]

Hi Ozzy. About the benefits, there are two calculators which yuo can use if needed.

 

benefits advisor

Turn2us

 

If your or your wife had any claims to child tax credit call 0845 300 3900 and inform them of the change in circumstances. You will be able to claim as a lone parent. For child benefit, inform them that you are now the main carer as your wife has left, to arrange payment of the child benefit be paid to you.

 

If you're still unsure, feel free to ask away - I can answer most benefit queries.

[ozzywizard]

Thanks you all again, I will post more tonight as going out for the day with the kids, hope no bad surprises tonight when I get home. how ironic today is our 12th anniversary.

 

I will be asking for the key.

[ozzywizard]

okies if I leave my front key in the lock and go the back way out as I only have back key she cannot get peacefull entry, so I will do this today. I have no issues with her coming anytime for her stuff and seeing the kids etc but it does have to be when I am here based on the adbvise here. to be honest there has been no argument or nastyness, all was very quiet and surreal . . . yesterday I woke up to a normal day to be hit with the bombshell she was moving out on her own with her new fella...... I cant do much to go hunt him down as I got 5 kids lol.

 

I am happy to look after them and be their carer in the house as I love my kids to bits and do everything anyway with them........ i just dont want her think she can reverse this anytime she wants.

[ozzywizard]

On way out, here is one for a bit of advise. what do I do about school ? do I inform them etc. my 9 year old keeps crying. . . .

[frettful38]

I think it would be a sensible idea if you informed the school. No doubt your children must be suffering through this traumatic experience and this will have a deep and emotional effect on their poor little minds, and they will be disturbed and not understand why or what is going on.

 

The school may see a change in their behavior and will may see them behaving different and not know the reason why, so if they knew the situation at home they will be more prepared to offer sensitive help as it is IMO needed at this critical time in their lives. Your children should be your number 1 priority and you will need a lot of support as you have your hands full.

 

I know it is easier said than done but as time goes on things will get easier and better, and even though your are dealing with your own emotions as well as your childrens you really should get some legal advice as to where you stand and what your rights are. Your wife left you, well in the eyes of the law that is not a crime or illegal, people make up and break all the time.

 

What you have to concentrate on is that she is the one that ABANDONED the children, and that is very IRRESPONSIBLE not only as mother and parent but as a HUMAN BEING if she can be called that. Did she not even think for a minute what effect this will have on her kids, some people can be really selfish at times. If she believes that the grass is greener on the other side then let her see how green it will be, and how long this adventure of hers will last, and when things come tumbling down around her only then she will come to realise what she has done but by then it will be too late, as you and the kids would have moved on to pastures new.

 

I am sorry if I sound too cruel, but I know the devastation things like this can cause families and the pain it can also cause the extended family and I can tell it is not very nice. My brother went through something similar and our wounds are only just now healing.

 

Ozzy, you sound like someone who knows what they want and how to get it, you have already proven that you are a dotted father and who has the best interest of your children at heart. The courts if it goes that far will look very favorably at things like that. Get as much legal advice and help as you can, as for her coming in and out is it not possible you can talk to her and come to some sort of arrangement when she can and cannot come, as this way it will save the kids from seeing their mother waltz in and out and not understand what she is doing, is she staying? is she coming back? why is she going? where is she going? and questions I am sure that they have going on in their precious little minds.

 

Find out about the benefits and inform everyone you need to that she has left the home and children, get all the benefits on your name because at present you are the sole carer. As for you being scared of being kicked out your own home I personally think this will be very unlikely. There will have to be a long procedure which you both will have to go through, and the law is equal for men and women, and fathers do have rights too.

 

Try to relax, even at times this will be difficult but with all that responsibility on your hands you need to save your energy and keep your mind clear so you can build a better future for your kids and yourself. I sincerely hope that everything works out in your best interest and the childrens, you will get a lot of help and support on CAG, and if your feeling down in the dumps then you can have a cry too on here.

 

Hope I have not gone over board with my comments and apologise if I have, but like I said things like this really do make me want to swear my bleeding head off, but I know this is not allowed, especially on a Sunday morning

[PriorityOne]

The names on the mortgage are not important, what is important is whose name(s) the property is in.

 

If the property is in joint names, you both have equal legal rights to the property, therefore if you change the locks the other owner is entitled to to change the locks (with police presence if necessary) but must give the other person a key.

 

However, it is sometimes appropriate to take control and change the locks irrespective of the legalities of matters.

 

Sorry but the names on the mortgage are important.... and as an aside, if both names are on the mortgage but not on the deeds, then that's plain foolish anyway because in effect, all you're doing is paying towards someone else's home .... without any if the benefits; i.e ownership! In most (if not all) cases that I know of, if your name is on the mortgage then it's also on the deeds.

 

If one person changes the locks, then the other person has right of entry but that doesn't mean that you need to give them a key!! It's perfectly reasonable NOT to have your ex swan in whenever she feels like it and invite people along for the ride.... especially when there are kids involved. If she wants to visit, then she needs to make a mutually agreeable appt. to do so.

 

As for leaving the key in the front door and denying her access that way... that's an excellent idea actually, although she may not be pleased with it. Please remember that while she cannot be charged with breaking and entering as such, her fella can.... as he's not on named on the property.

 

Your primary concern here is to make sure she doesn't continue to have free access to your home.... because although you may be trying to do the right thing, she may not. Once she gets back into the house (if that's her intention) you may never get her out again. Please be warned...

 

She will also be expected to pay maintenance towards her children, by the way. Once you have the wheels in motion re. benefits, this may come as a bit if a shock to her (and the new bloke)...

Edited June 13, 2010 by PriorityOne

[GuidoT]

The ownership of the property is not governed by whose names are on the mortgage but the names on the deeds, they are frequently one and the same, but this is not a given.

 

People are foolish.

 

If a person is named on the mortgage, but not on the deeds then they (unless a collateral agreement is drawn up) have no legal rights relating to the property.

[PriorityOne]

The ownership of the property is not governed by whose names are on the mortgage but the names on the deeds, they are frequently one and the same, but this is not a given.

 

People are foolish.

 

If a person is named on the mortgage, but not on the deeds then they (unless a collateral agreement is drawn up) have no legal rights relating to the property.

 

That is foolish then.... agreed. Can't say I've ever come across it though... have come across it where one person is on the mortgage/deeds and not the other but both are paying.... !

[pompeyfaith]

Ozzy

 

Im so sorry to hear this you are getting good advise here so all i can say is your first port of call is the CAB also RELATE can help you here

 

PF

[Allwood]

The ownership of the property is not governed by whose names are on the mortgage but the names on the deeds, they are frequently one and the same, but this is not a given.

 

People are foolish.

 

If a person is named on the mortgage, but not on the deeds then they (unless a collateral agreement is drawn up) have no legal rights relating to the property.

 

I think it has to do with how it is registered was registgered at the land registery ie tenants in common or joint tenancy.

 

Change from Joint Tenants to Tenants in Common Today use Tenants-in-Common.co.uk

 

Land Registry Searches: Joint Tenancy

 

 

http://www.sprattendicott.co.uk/news/TenancyinCommon.html

[PriorityOne]

Most people in relationshiops own property as Joint Tenants. Tenants in common is more of an "arrangement" between friends, co-habitees, etc....

[ozzywizard]

Thanks heaps for all the advise here, really really appreciated and I read each comment a few times.

Really tired now so not gonna rant on but had great day as took all the kids for hige day out at the air show, the 10 year old does keep getting upset and asking questions and I answer with a fair response like mum will contact you soon and she loves you very much but she just needs some time to herself" . .

 

anyways we are both on the mortgage and deeds etc, she has not yet asked for entry or to see the kids but my guess is after a few days away she will miss the kids and want them and the house and think she can swan in and take all . . . I will not allow this for the kids sake........ my lif is my kids and I will be there for them 100% they are my priority. gonna go solicitors tomorrow and the school as advised here and surestart and social services for help etc. . . . I will also go to the benifits . . . . I also do not think that this week is a good time for her to see kids as they are hurting and need to get in a routine, if she asks I will offer her full day saturday 10-7 but if they late back it will be classed as kidnap as I will be sole carer. . .

 

Also am I right to ask they do not go to this fellas house, I dont know him and she only known him 3 weeks !!! he could be a pedo or somthing,,, im sure a woman with 5 kiddies would be a good target for them and expecially 4 being girls. .

 

okies off to bed, all kids are asleep after showers and all uniform ready for tomorrow.

[frettful38]

Hi ozzy, I think it is good that you are making sure that the kids are having fun out during this traumatic time and it is a wise idea that you are going to try and get things sorted out today by visiting the relevant authorities to discuss your options.

 

Its just my opinion, but maybe it would be a good idea if you could draft out a plan on paper of what your wife can/can't do. As you say that the kids are your number 1 priority and as you have been left in such a cruel situation then you have to do everything you can to make sure that your children are saved from any future headaches and heartaches.

 

It would be a sensible idea to write down when she can visit e.t.c. so as not to cause the children anymore unnecessary disturbance in their poor little innocent lives. They did not ask for this and having to suffer for something that they have not done is nothing but cruelty in my eyes. I think that you are being more than reasonable here by even letting her see the children after the way she dumped them on you without any care in the world.

 

I think it is your god given right and agree that you should NOT ALLOW them to go the house where that poor excuse of a human being fella lives. You have a right to object to anything that you believe is not safe or in the best interest of your childrens welfare, which I am sure that all will agree. It is early days, and you need to get your head around things yourself, and on top with such a big responsibility of managing 5 children is a mission on its own. From how you sound I already think that you must have been doing most of the upbringing yourself, that is why I believe that you will be able to cope. You sound strong and responsible and to be honest these are the qualities every good parent should have. Just remember to stay strong and clear headed. If your wife starts issuing proceedings against you whether divorce or child custody and returning back to the family home then that is where you will need to get yourself armed as much as possible.

 

I think that you should bear in mind that this could turn pretty nasty and there maybe many a traumatic times to come not just for you but for your children too, and I hope that many will agree that it would be sensible idea and be looked upon very reasonable of you to contact this women you married and had a talk about the future of the childrens welfare. You should try and come up with a plan that will enable you and your children to get in to a routine of when/how she can see the kids. If this goes to court the courts will see that you have/had done everything in your power to be reasonable and fair and if she kicks off then let the courts deal with her.

 

Children can cope sometimes better than we know, and eventually they will know what the truth is, but at present they need as much love, comfort as you can give them. I wish you well and believe that you will get through this, you have the love of your children and the support of us all to help you through this bad time but you will get through this I promise.

 

Take care and hope you get some good advice today.

[Allwood]

You are coping wonderfully ozzy, when you go to a solicitors make sure it is a family solcitors, you will get legal aid as you will be on benefits.

 

Take care and be stong for your children. I hope everything turns out OK for you.

[ozzywizard]

Thanks again, im reading just not a lot of time to type as you can all imagine . . been sols and got app tomorrow at 9am with stephensons family solicitor......

 

not heard of her yet.

[PriorityOne]

Your doing really well Ozzie....

 

It is perfectly reasonable not to want your children to spend time with your wife's new bloke (as has already been said). It's way too soon for them to make that kind of transition and I expect they'll have a lot of questions and emotions to direct at their mum first. She really needs to give them time to adjust to all that's gone on...

 

Hope your appt. goes well tomorrow...

[ozzywizard]

whats the best way to sleep at night