marriage problems leading to legal.help.

[heartbreak]

Hi

im not sure if anyone can help but i thought il give it a go as i was recommended this site.

 

against my husbands parents will (who have always hated me) we decided to get married last year. we had a long distance relationship and when we got married, my husband left his parents house and moved in with me.

 

we found it was alo of pressure on us both financially and emotinally as his parents were still doing everything to break us up and would not let us publically announce our marriage. this caused alot of arguments.

 

during our relationship, there was long periods of time where my husband had not worked so i purchased many items of clothes and various things for him- i have not kept these reciepts.

 

over a row about my husbands parents, in anger he rang them and he went back home. his parents are now forcing him to divorce me or loose them forever.

 

he hadnt taken his things and was asking variuos people to come to my house and pick up his things. i am reluctant to give him his things - not only becaus i paid for teh majority of them but i dont see why i should make it easy for him to return home and leave all his responsibilty from me.

 

i have now recieved a letter from a solicitor saying i shoud give him back his things within 7 days or face further action. his mother has forced this on him.

why should i give his things back? he rarely contributed financially in the relationship. im sure all the time people break and throw each others things in the bin???

 

i still want the marriage but his parents have said tehy will cut all ties.

i am worried about the letter. i simply wanted HIM to collect his things not others.

don't know what to do.....:fear:

Edited May 17, 2013 by citizenB
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[honeybee13]

Hello and welcome to CAG. I'm sorry about the situation you find yourself in, it must be tough.

 

I'll move your thread to the legal forum here and leave a short term redirect on this forum. Have you spoken to your local CAB? They can sometimes help or they should be able to put you in touch with a specialist lawyer, even if it's just for an initial chat.

 

But our guys should be along to help soon.

 

My best, HB

[heartbreak]

yes its been so tough. still is. im not trying to be difficult but i was the one who purchased these things. he rarely contributed so if hes leaving me after just 9 months, i dont see why i should have to suffer more financial loss when the fact that he purchased a laptop for me, he took straight back. so if he can take his presents back, why cant i? i sound petty i know but iv had enough.

[Desperate Daniella]

Hi heartbreak,

 

I am so sorry you are having such a terrible time. With parents such as you describe and a weak husband I don't think you had much hope of making this work but any break up is very sad. You obviously want the chance to speak to your husband which is why you want him to pick up his clothes personally and he (and his family) don't want this to happen.

 

You would be expected to return his clothes, but other items that you have paid for are more open to debate if you bought them. What exactly are these other items? You say you don't have actual receipts, but can the purchases be seen on a credit card bill or debit card payments on your banks statements?

 

DD

[heartbreak]

its clothes trainers and a watch. his watch i never purchased but its worth about 3k. i spent much more during the whole relationship. he seemed to just take and he took his gift of a laptop back with him. i paid cash for alot of the things. yes hes very weak. he stayed strong during our 9 month marraige but they took all financial help and family ties from him and emotionally blackmailed him till he couldnt take it anymore. do u think i have to give it back? any proof i have it? people put each others things in teh bin all the time no?

we are both in our early 20s but im still hoping and praying that hel grow a backbone

[Desperate Daniella]

This family sound very nasty. There's no proof you have it, but they sound as though they might get the police to charge you with theft if you don't return it bearing in mind how much it is worth.

 

Have you asked for your laptop back? If it was yours, he should return it. I'd write back to the solicitor saying that as soon as he returns your laptop you will of course return his things but say that you are not willing to hand them over to a third party. You will want him to collect them personally and sign a receipt listing all items so that you have proof everything has been returned to him.

 

If and when he does come, make sure you have a friend with you as a witness. He/she can always wait in another room while you speak privately with him. It will also protect you if he turns up with someone else and the situation develops into a row.

 

Do you have parents or siblings who can help you with this?

[steampowered]

I think it is best for you both if you let him have his stuff and move on from this. You have no use for his clothes. You are not going to be able to blackmail him into resuming the relationship by holding onto his possessions. In fact I think following this approach would make a reunion less likely and would cause unnecessary conflict.

 

Why do his parents hate you so much? Is there a race/religion issue?

[heartbreak]

:sad:yes sadly. i shall return his things and write back to the solicitor. thanks everyone

[heartbreak]

it was a laptop he said was a present for me but he took it back with him. i purchased those clothes some designer for him as a presnt so i felt i should aos take my 'presents' back. what should i write to the solicitor? should i send it recorcded delivery? also solicitor has said i have his passprt which i do not. is there anything furtehr he can do regarding this? do i have to let him in my home? thanks

[Desperate Daniella]

I don't think heartbreak wanted to blackmail him into resuming the relationship, she just wants a chance to speak to him face to face, and I do think he should return her laptop.

 

I know this is a miserable situation but if it is race/religion thing I don't think he'd ever choose his family over you, even though you are married and he should do.

 

I hope you find happiness in the future with someone who loves you and puts you first.

[heartbreak]

thanks daniella xxx ;(

[Desperate Daniella]

No, you don't have to let him into your home. When you said you wanted him to collect his things I thought it was because you wanted to chat to him. You can always meet him outside, in a café or somewhere like that, and I think that would be much better and safer.

 

Write to the solicitor saying he can have his things, he'll have to sign a receipt listing everything you are handing over, and you expect him to hand over your laptop at the same time.

 

Say you do not have his passport. As far as you are aware he took it with him.

 

If the solicitor writes back and says the laptop was a gift, then you can respond that his clothes were a gift.

 

Don't be intimidated by the solicitor.

[heartbreak]

thankyou. what if he refuses to give laptop? yes i did want to talk to him as i havent been able to speak to him as his parents have stopped him. can i insist only he picks his things as opposed to a 3rd party or not really?

[Desperate Daniella]

You can certainly try, and say that the meeting will be in a public place. Don't say any more in your first letter. Let's see what they come back with. It would be good to get your laptop back.

[heartbreak]

thanks

[Desperate Daniella]

[citizenB]

This thread is now in "General Legal Issues"

 

It is purely an administrative move.