Ive made a stupid mistake

[itiswhatitis]

Oh you poor thing I really do feel for you.....I only have minimal knowledge of the benefit system but wanted to offer support and a virtual hug. Many many people have been in the same boat as you, you are not alone by any stretch of the imagination. I have also been saddled with debt - much more than £5k - after a marriage when all debts were taken out in my name. Its galling that the absent parent / ex gets to walk away with none of the mess to sort out isnt it.

 

We all do things we would never normally even contemplate when it comes down to keeping a roof over our childrens head and food in their mouth. I'm sure you never intended to be a single parent or left alone with this debt / high rent etc so please dont beat yourself up about that certainly.

 

On a practical note, my debt was so unmanageable I contacted CCCS (Consumer Credit Counselling Service) and they contacted my debtors and arranged a Debt Management Plan with each, the interest was frozen and I am now paying back a set amount each month which they then forward on to each lender (there are 10!) on my behalf. This was a huge relief for me not to have to deal with them direct but also to stop seeing the interest racking up each month. They ask you to do an income / expenditure plan with them so you only pay what is left over each month. Luckily I could afford to pay some, but if I hadnt any spare money (looks like this could be your case) they would have helped me with bankruptcy etc. Whichever method you go with its surely better than struggling on as you are - if the money isnt there its not there

 

I wonder also if you have pursued your ex for maintenance? My ex refused but finally after a year the CSA applied an attachment of earnings order and this money now comes through faithfully every week. It all helps.

 

Keep your chin up sweetie and try to keep a level head, deal with the practical issues as much as you can and take advice and help there is plenty out there (this forum for one).

 

Take care, Lisa xx

[annie4567]

Thanks Lisa for your kind reply, and also IMS....i will look into the credit cards, once I have pulled myself together...I am so trying not to let all this worry me....when you start thinking....as much as I have, you just think...why oh why...realising what a mess things are...I just need to get myself together at the moment....really wish I would hear something from the housing benefit as the waiting is driving me mad! Sorry I keep babbling on.... xxx

[ims21]

Thanks Lisa for your kind reply, and also IMS....i will look into the credit cards, once I have pulled myself together...I am so trying not to let all this worry me....when you start thinking....as much as I have, you just think...why oh why...realising what a mess things are...I just need to get myself together at the moment....really wish I would hear something from the housing benefit as the waiting is driving me mad! Sorry I keep babbling on.... xxx

 

Hi annie

 

don't worry about get things off your chest here.

 

By joining CAG you have taken a big step in getting things sorted out and you will get a lot of help and advice here.

 

In your own time we can start getting those card charges back for you

 

ims

[annie4567]

Well I received a letter today for an IUC...I am relieved but also very scared, I am in the process of sorting out my childcare which I will mention next week when I have to go...I do have a question, when I claimed housing benefit, and had to take a copy of the tenancy agreement, this was in joint names, i explained this at the time, and nothing was said, my ex partner has lived in his own house since I claimed housing benefit, but I know they might question as this, the reason I didnt apply for the tenancy in my own name was I just didnt think i would be granted it on my own....and the fear of thinking I may have nowhere to live stopped me even trying. The rent has been paid on time every month, but I dont know where I would stand on even trying to get the tenancy on my own, as they may well say they do not want a single tenant on benefits.

 

I feel sick....

[annie4567]

Please can anyone tell me what number to ring for the tax credits, as I need to let them know about my childcare and that the estimated amount is incorrect.

[watchinginvestigation2011]

Was it a council house?

 

Because if so I am a single tenant, single mum.

 

I can see where you are coming from if privatley rented and the worries there

 

Deleted content due to my waffling xx

 

So I know their is a worrying stigma, best wishes xx

Edited June 7, 2011 by watchinginvestigation2011

[annie4567]

Thanks for the reply, no it is a private rented house, I have always paid the rent, on time, and will continue to do so, I just couldnt face thinking I might end up with nowhere to live had I applied for the tenancy once my partner left me....with the thought of what if they will not give me the tenancy on my own...hence just leaving it in joint names, I know this is something that will come up, but my ex partner has had his own home since he left here, there was a couple of month he had to stay with a friend, but I didnt claim housing benefit until November 09 and thats when he moved into his own place, its just the thought of having to go through all this, I am very weak at the moment, and feeling fragile.

[watchinginvestigation2011]

It sounds as if you ex would be easily able to prove he is living as his own address xx

 

He should be able to show utilities in his name or rent/etc agreement and soon they should realise you are genuine xx

 

Get all the proof you can paper wise to show you are two seperate house holds

[rebel11]

http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/Dl1/Directories/DG_10011368

[annie4567]

Thanks for the replies, my ex has not been mentioned yet, but in precaution I am just preparing myself for all evetualities, as one thing I do know is, I never claimed housing benefit whilst he lived here....this I can prove, I just keep thinking, they will take me to court, because I didnt declare what I should have even though I have voluntary given them information now, I know I have to look at worst case scenario cos yes I deserve whatever is coming to me, this is not pity on my part, believe you me, I have lost a stone since all this came out with worry, I dont eat right or sleep right, I know and fully admit I have done wrong, its just thinking what the hell will they do....? Will they take me to court if I have volunteered all information....?

[rebel11]

Hi annie

 

Sometimes things seem a lot worse then they are, lets wait and see, in the meantime stop worrying.

[annie4567]

I know Rebel, things can seem a lot worse, and I dont help myself by constantly thinking about things, my friend who is coming to the interview with me, said look what will be will be, no amount of worrying is going to stop that, and he is right...!

[jadeybags]

Dont panic about the tennancy, I never took the kids dad off our privately rented tennancy when we split, not until I moved years later. I went on to claim IS & full housing benefit after we split. Had someone from DWP sat in my living room doing forms, I presume checking up on me, although at the time I didn't know that. Thought it was standard procedure. That alone doesn't say you're living together.

[annie4567]

Just wanted to ask, it doesnt say I can take a friend with me...only legal representative, welfsre advisor? I was gonna take a friend with me...can they attend the interview with me or not?

[jackieandwayne]

Fingers crossed for you today x Just think on, there will be an end to all of this, might be a long time coming, but everything comes out in the wash eventually.

[rebel11]

I'm fairly sure that you can take a friend for support, I've read that somewhere.

 

Just wanted to ask, it doesnt say I can take a friend with me...only legal representative, welfsre advisor? I was gonna take a friend with me...can they attend the interview with me or not?

[annie4567]

Gosh I got loads of questions....regarding the intewview I am to have on Monday. Is anyone able to help me with them, need to try and get everything clear in my head?

[jadeybags]

Gosh I got loads of questions....regarding the intewview I am to have on Monday. Is anyone able to help me with them, need to try and get everything clear in my head?

 

Fire away. A few people on here have been to them, but obviously they'll never be exactly the same. But can give you a guideline.

If you haven't already seen it, have a look through this site here...

http://www.advicenow.org.uk/advicenow-guides/problems-with-benefits/how-to-handle-an-interview-under-caution/

[annie4567]

Jadey

You are very helpful, and I appreciate your reply....I have read the article you posted...infact probably about 4 times now..!

 

I have a breakdown of my childcare costs, which I can pick up tomorrow, so will have to take that with me...this is something that I am sure they will have looked into anyway, but at least I can show the cost of what I pay per week, which I already know is not right, as I over estimated, but want to make sure I take things which will be revelvant, just to show I want to get things sorted out, but fear that they will penalise me more for having something else that is wrong on the claim? But I just want to be totally honest now. My stupid ex never changed his van to his new address, I only just found this out...I have been sending post back with not known at this address for a while now and writing his new address on the front of the envelope, as was sick of getting post for him, I had asked him many times to get this sorted, as tax and vat demands were coming to this house for him, know he didnt want to see those letters hence not changing the address....! So my question is post coming to the house, I just want to make sure I have everything covered, I get post for the previous tenants also? Also can a friend sit in at the interview or not? I am also thinking, with the childcare issue, I might be called back for a second interview to sort that matter out, will this again go more against me.

 

My good friends who know me, know I am struggling at the moment, i am trying so hard to keep things together, just spoke to my eldest daughter and said what if they take me to court and I lose my job...what then? She said mum dont say things like that...I dont want to worry her too, she and my other two children whom are too young to understand any of this....they know I am worried, I just think god I am going to go to pieces on Monday....? Sorry again...I babble on..!

[jadeybags]

You can definitely take someone along with you, in fact CAB & solicitors recommend not going alone. As long as that person isn't connected in any way with the case. Ie your ex or partner if it's a LTAHAW case or someone that has been giving you an income you haven't declared etc etc.

Those thoughts you are going through in your head about your job, are completely normal thoughts that pretty much all of us go through when we are in your situation. I had decided I wasn't going to still be working there if it was going to court, & had nasty thoughts sorted out in my head. Wont go into details there.

But remember, MOST things in life dont turn out to be as bad as we originally thought they were going to be. There are a couple of things I have been through in life that I thought would end up a lot worse than they did, & this was one of them. But you really dont see it panning out at the time.

You will deal with it, it's the self survival instinct that kicks in. But at the time, it sure doesn't feel liek it does it.

At some point you will get a conclusion & wake up from the nightmare & realise you are back on this planet again & you probably wont feel all that elated, even though at the moment you think you will. I think that's the hangover from it. Just hang on in there & stay strong.

[Desperate Daniella]

Hi annie,

 

If you have been paying the rent on time and the property is in good order I really can't see why the landlord would want to lose you as a tenant. It's not a council property so if you keep on paying the rent the landlord doesn't need to know anything.

 

I'm sorry I can't help more on the interview/benefit front, but if you offer to repay any overpayments and explain (as you must) the situation with your ex-partner, I hope they will be sympathetic, especially as you are a single mum with three children. You would only be human if you say you were so distressed over the break up of your relationship that you got muddled and just couldn't cope with it all.

 

However, you absolutely must stop making these payments to the credit card companies. The roof over your head is the most important thing. Sod the credit card companies and any debt collectors. We know they lie and threaten everything but if you are on this site for a bit you will see that most of it is total rubbish. You can negotiate (or basically tell them) what you are going to pay. I've been on this forum for almost three years and I have had so many threatening letters I could paper at least three rooms, but I have learned how to deal with it (basically send them letters and tell them to sod off), and you can too. CAB or CCCS will act on your behalf to negotiate payments and/or freeze interest.

 

Good luck for the interview. I know we'll all be thinking about you and waiting to hear from you afterwards.

 

 

DD

[annie4567]

Thanks again Jadey and Daniella for the replies. I have just been reading another post, and someone said, never admit to them that it was fraud....with my case, I didnt put my daughter on the claim...so how the heck can I plead otherwise...I dont know what to say if they were to ask me, was this fraud...I didnt put her on the claim cos I feared the implication of getting no help and not being able to keep a roof over mine and my childrens head...as admitted yes very wrong...the closer this interview gets the worse i feel, havent slept a wink last night.

[terriersaregreat]

Have been reading the posts, can't help much. From experience a solicitor (should get funding) or CAB are the best persons to take with you to the interview. They will know how to handle the interview and advise what not to answer etc. Also keeps the other side in check.

 

Wish you well and will be thinking of you.

[annie4567]

Thanks Terrier...the interview on monday so havent had chance to get to see CAB and I cannot afford a solicitor, plus my head been all over the place, I can only go and answer their questions truthfully, and asked if I am guilty, what can I say...I am?

[rebel11]

Hi annie

 

Solicitors do something called 'legal aid' if you qualify.