You CAN do it! If you are at the end of your tether with debt and suffering - read this! Advice also wanted please.

[schmoodles]

Dear all,

If you are like me, you will have suffered from the mental health problems and associated debts. I suffer with depresson and anxiety and when finding it hard to make minimum payments and trying to talk to people on the phone I became tearful, panicky and sometimes aggressive, not swearing or anything but with an attitude that was not constructive to solving the problem. Once employees of a certain debt collection agency realised that I could be easily intimidated, they did their utmost to continue the intimidation and suggested loans and other equally un helpful solutions, they also made threats that they can't carry out by law, because they knew that I was vulnerable. This culminted in concequences for me. I didn't sleep for literally 4 days or nights, by the end of those I contemplated suicide. I took some medication that was prescribed to calm me down and help me sleep but in my confusion I took too many and rather than sleep I had a massive panic attack and ended up in hospital, with no one knowing where I was and on the verge of being sectioned because the dr's thought I had tried to take my own life. I told the truth, despite having contemplated it, I hadn't and just needed some peace and sleep. Although they helped me it was my friends and family that have supported me. The debts have not gone away but I have asked for my mental health problems to be taken into consideration and the psychiatric liason spoke to the company involved, it didn't solve anything at all, but gave me an objective view on things, someone who is not emotionally involved. I have now contacted not only current creditors, but companies where the bills have just come in, or that I know I will have trouble paying in the future. I have asked now for payment plans to pay gas and electric and the like, to prevent this happening again in the future. My advice to anyone who is the same as me is:

 

A) Seek help from your GP immediately, they can give you the number of a local crisis team that will come out day or night, they will support and listen right when you need it. Take any prescribed medication, if your leg was broken, and it hurt you would take painkillers right? At the moment your mind is injured, take the medication to relieve the symptoms and the pain, even only short term will help.

B) Don't try and talk face to face or on the phone to creditors if you find yourself being intimidated and upset. Write to them, and then wait a while to review the letter before you send it. I have sent letters as a knee jerk reaction and it's caused more problems than it's solved.

C) Ask a family member or friend to sit down and go through your finances with you, I can't budget, I don't go out and blow thousands on cars and clothes and TV's but I don't pay things and then it adds up and goes on. I sat down with a friend and they helped me to go through my finances and to prioritise what needed to be and we made lists of who needed contacting and when.

D) Don't hide from it, I know how hard it is, go and see citizens advice, tell them that you have a mental illness, or that you are depressed etc, it does make a difference to how your creditors will view you, as long as you don't try and use it as a reason not to pay, but as an explanation to why things have got as far as they have.

E) Don't think that people are angry because you are depressed or ill or in debt, my friends and family were furious with me, but not because I have a problem, because I had kept a face on and tried to hide the problems that I was having from them. It hurt them to think that I was suffering without telling anyone when they could have helped.

F) Take time out and don't feel guilty about it, just because you owe someone some money doesn't mean that you have to live in a dark room. Obviously don't spend money you haven't got but a bar of chocolate, or a cake and your favourite TV programme or a nice hot bath and good book will give your mind a rest and allow you to try and switch off for a little while.

G) Post your problems on here, there are many people on CAG that will have been in your position and will offer advice and support to you, they have been so helpful to me and they offer their help without condition. They are from all walks of life and willing to help, no one will judge you here, we have all had problems that we thought insurmountable until someone opened the door.

 

Basically, there is a way out other than to punish yourself, no one will win, least of all you. I am trying currently to get an advocate, someone who will listen to what I want to say and help me to put things in place that will help in future with creditors etc. Does anyone know of an advocacy service that I could use?

I hope this helps at least one person, remember, just because you have a mental problem and are in debt it doesn't mean you don't deserve to have a life or the right to enjoy that life.

Edited March 1, 2009 by schmoodles
spelling mistake

[hilaryfrances]

good luck schmoodles, you have been through the worst and are now saftley on the other side. Your attitude is just right to now take on the world and win. Debt causes so much stress, unless you have been in debt you cannot begin to understand how it dominates your life, 24/7. It does not matter where you are or what you are doing it is always there in the back of your mind. Lots of peeps on here will help you deal with your debt. I hid our debts from my husband, when it all came out I was shocked he was angry with the banks etc and not me. Worry makes you do daft things. I am glad you are now seeking help. take care Hils

[stardust_john]

I have mental health issues and pretty down with depression at moment, been put on medication but cant give me too much as could make the epilepsy worse apparantly. I know where your comming from and sometimes ring as a third person if you know what I mean, the stronger side takes over and I feel more empowered untill I get depressed like a wave. Any how not going on sorry, good on you and thanks to this site putting up with me, I know Ill get there in the end. Just the fact I can talk to someone on what may be confusing issues and get some advice makes a little hole through in my depression and common sence sneaks back:D Doesnt help mental health put me on tablets then said when stable they would organise counselling, that was months ago, get the feeling given diagnosis and now go away, I hope thats just the wrong perspective from me, I know they are busy, but the hope is they say we'll get you help and then you wait in my case.

[schmoodles]

Stardust_John,

It's really good that you are on here and talking to people, the companies and even mental health proffesionals don't realise that the simple act of picking up the phone can lead you to terror. I know I've been there and still do when I know the conversation could be unpleasant and confrontational. Talking as the third person is a great idea, it keeps you one step removed and like letters gives you the chance to mull over what has been said and to then make a decision that is not based on panic, fear and just wanting to get the hell off the phone! If I have to speak to someone in future that scares me then I will use that, thankyou.

With regard to your treatment I would suggest that you go back to the GP and explain or if you can't do that then contact the team who are going to treat you with councilling. Mind are also a really good source of help. Unfortunately the services are very busy and it took 6 weeks for my refferal to come through even though my GP wrote 'URGENT' all over it, and I then had to fill in reams of forms and return them before I would be considered for an appointment. That is due to the timewasters that have an issue and then go to one session and never go back. But they will help you. It might also help to write stuff down, maybe a diary or journal and show them, don't hold anything back just put it all in there, I did and it's amazing because I felt so much better, like the bad stuff was in the book and not in me. Good luck and I really hope things sort out, you are trying and that's what matters. No one ever gets it right 100% of the time, they just mislead us into thinking they do, that's something else I've discovered, people may act like they know exactly what they are doing and come accross as oh so powerful, but underneath they are like us, they can just hide it and overpower it, whereas it's the other way round for people with depression. Keep in touch X

[schmoodles]

good luck schmoodles, you have been through the worst and are now saftley on the other side. Your attitude is just right to now take on the world and win. Debt causes so much stress, unless you have been in debt you cannot begin to understand how it dominates your life, 24/7. It does not matter where you are or what you are doing it is always there in the back of your mind. Lots of peeps on here will help you deal with your debt. I hid our debts from my husband, when it all came out I was shocked he was angry with the banks etc and not me. Worry makes you do daft things. I am glad you are now seeking help. take care Hils

 

 

Thankyou Hils your comments are much appreciated XX:)

[phoenix11]

Fantastic thread with so much helpful advice and supportively given by schmoodles.

 

I get very down and tearful kind of depressed, but I'm more prone to anxiety attacks which kind of affect my body badly.

 

This site is a gold mine of helpful people.

[summanotre]

I suffer with major tonic and petit mal epilepsy and asthma I found that following a seizure, if I opened a letter from a DCA I would panic (usually bringing on an asthma attack) because I was confused about what it referred to. So I would always telephone, try to explain only to have the 'represetative' read their script to me and try to pressure me into making arrangements. As a result my health deteriorated, my seizures became extremely serious and unpredictable. I was being hassled with phone calls every day, sometimes up until 11pm. I got an answer machine and at one point it had recorded 200 messages - most of them blank. During a particularly lucid period, I decided to change my phone number and make sure it was ex-directory. Once the phones calls ceased I was able to breathe and look into ways of helping myself out with the debts that have accumulated. Im just at the beginning and hope I can get some useful help here at CAG. I did make the mistake of phoning one DCA following a letter I received after I changed my phone number. He insisted that I provide my telephone number and I insisted that I wouldnt and put the phone down.

 

My seizures are still pretty bad but they are not as severe. I feel better about taking charge of the situation and that has helped my health; even though a lot of the time Im not well enough to deal with something I still know that I have the upper hand at least under the harrassment act 1997!

[summanotre]

BTW Schmoodles, here is a link for an advocacy website that may be able to help, if you've not found anyone else yet.

 

Rethink - Advocacy

 

Even if they cant help, they may be able to put you in touch with someone who can.

 

Good luck.

[the_freedom_trail]

Debt is a mind forged concept - completely abstract - in the broader scheme of things it is meaningless digits in a computer system. At the end of the day, walk away from it. As my grandfather once said (RAF Officer) the worst they can do is kill you. In the case of debt, the worst that can happen is repossesion, CCJ's, etc. At the end of the day, there are more important things in life....

 

TFT

[out of cash]

hi all,

 

i too was at the end of my tether i am an intelligent person both feet on the ground but 5 yrs of in and out of work with a huge backlog of debt pressure from creditors/banks/dca 8 court appearences representing myself june last year hospitalized with a suspected heart attack,i was lucky it wasnt just a huge panic/stress attack that was a warning sign for me i still tried to soldier on for another 6 mths then i cracked and decided bankruptcy.The best and only decision i could make.Life is so short and debt can make it a lot shorter.

 

good luck to all on this site who have their back against the wall regarding

this nightmare.

 

OOC

[Sekost]

Shmoodles, your a star. I have spent most of this day curled up in a ball on my setee in tears contemplating ways of getting out of debt. I am usually a strong man and the person people come to in time of need but i also realise that when your in the middle of the tornado its hard to see the light. Not contemplated topping myself as even though i suffer from severe clinical depression and the assciated illness' i do realise that my life is precious. I'm in a dark place now but the fighter in me won't let me give in. Your comments and reassurance have made me realise that i can take this on and win. People in the main do not realise how debilitating depression can be and because your not bleeding or in plaster they cant see the wounds. I suppose what i am saying is thanks.

[Joshd]

Good advice on this site and it's comforting to know you are not alone. I do get depressed at times but then I give myself a good shake so to speak. I have realised that creditors are only able to do you so much harm, there is loads of good advice available in the threads, you realise that no matter how bad things seem you are not alone. Someone will be glad to help, particularly if they are experiencing the same difficulties. I am currently being hassled by Scottish Power who added disconnection fees to both gas and electric. Having contacted them by letter 3 times still no joy, not even a reply. Today I received a demand from a DCA all the usual threats included of course. Even in a recession these companies put pressure on people, they are aware of my circumstances ( I only have ESA to live on ) they don't care, most of the employees of these DCAs are on a bonus system. I've become immune to their tactics. Anyone in a similar situation needs to visit their local MP the next time they hold a surgery in your area. Make your concerns heard, eventually the government will be obliged to investigate the underhand way these DCAs operate.

[marie6666red]

hi to all. maybe this will help. i was the victim of the last maggie slump. had a beautiful home and four kids. we lost the house and the council put us in a maisonette...so awful i hate to recall it....but we kept together, i got a job working nights. even ended up doing three jobs. then hubby got work. and we were, after about 9 months offered a new build house. we have been here now for 15 years. not all good....had to work long and hard to get rid of the debt. but i no longer fear the postman. the kids have all grown into good people with good jobs. i am still working and will never be rich, but just know that as dark as it gets, and believe me i was in a dark place...you can come out of the other end. this site is amazing for giving support to people. but the answer is in your hands. you may face total humiliation like i did, but my family still loved me and now we all hold our heads up high.....owning a house isnt all that......if i have a repair i need doing...i pick up the phone and its done...best luck to all of you..xx

[Sea Gull]

Thankyou for sharing your feelings

Firstly as a person who has dealt with debt for a long time, I know exactly the place you are coming from.

Also the greatest thing here is that you are on this site!

For me this site was the lifeline i needed it has given me support, information and much knowledge.

I too have issues with being totally and mentally exhausted through the worry of Debt.

Things that pulled me through were these anxiety attacks were never in my life before debt, so I do have control over them.

I have so much money coming in to pay for things and if I have no more then that is it final.

I do not go without my meals anymore, because in the last 7years it did not help me at all, I just became weak!

and more importantly do not think you are alone, a time will come when you will be clear of debt, and thats the target you need to be looking at.

pay by standing order each month, do not talk to these peeps, and have policy of post gets opened Mon-Thurs - dont touch any mail on Fri or Sat

that way you will not have your weekends trashed.

one thing I learnt very fast worry and anxiety is a habit

and like all habits it can take 30days to get the thoughts out of the system!

Smile we all had a life before Debt - and we will again!

[bigpaddy1754]

hi everybody. i too suffer depression and anxiety, and dealing with debt and certain dca,s is taking its toll on me now. i had a great job but the stress of work and having time at night in different hotels, i would start thinking if every thing i had done that day, was it safe have i left the job safe and one night i just lost the plot. i was working at heathrow airport, i went and checked the job was ok, then decided i wanted to go home, i phoned my wife, and told her that i was going to make my way home.my son drove from liverpool to pick me up.

when you are working you have something to take your mind off your problems, and when you get home after being away for upto a month, i used to put a face on things. my wife took control, but i wanted to her to have all the things she got used to when the money was no object. thats how we got into the mess we are in now. i sent off for some catalogues and told her i had money put away so i could pay for everything. of course i didnt, and when the money we had as savings had gone. i broke down and told my son, by this time i had 10 catalogues, and 5k debt.

my son and wife wrote to our creditors, and told them what had actually happened. dca,s were like vultures, we set up an agreement, and were doing well, but the catalgues where moving the dates around,which made my payments late and then added £21, charges x 10. i felt that they where only doing this because they knew i was ill. i started to think about the final solution i was in such a dark place it seemed the best way out.my son saw some of the letters on my desk and once he had read them he had a man to man talk and hestarted the ball rolling by heping me along with some great people on this site to cca all of them, he got our phone number changed, he has spoke to our postman and he picks up my mail, he sorts it and then lets me read what is in them, then we talk it over, then we take each one and decide our next move. i am slowly get things sorted out and take all thing in my stride. and maybe with a lot more help from the good people on this site and my family, i will see the light at the end of the tunnel.

if i can do 1 good deed in each day then life is worth living. sorry for going on a bit. regards bigpaddy

[Ell-enn]

Hi Paddy, thanks for sharing your story with us. What a wonderful son you have brought up - proof that you have done a great job as a parent. You must be very proud of him. You are obviously on the right path now in dealing with your debts.

 

Stay positive, you'll get there in the end

[gustavius rex]

Debt is a mind forged concept - completely abstract - in the broader scheme of things it is meaningless digits in a computer system. At the end of the day, walk away from it. As my grandfather once said (RAF Officer) the worst they can do is kill you. In the case of debt, the worst that can happen is repossesion, CCJ's, etc. At the end of the day, there are more important things in life....

 

TFT

 

 

l couldn't agree more! We are constantly reminded about our ''obligations'' as debtors, but, never about the creditors obligations. We worry, get mentally ill and in some cases even commit suicide and for what? Money!!

The world is full of money and a temporary setback has no meaning what so ever. lt's a totally abstract and meaningless concept and should be treated as such. Once you realize this, you are free as you no longer worry about your house, your bloody credit file and/or what others think or say. When the Royal Bank of Scotland went belly up their boss, Fred the Shred, got himself a payoff of some 7 millions or so and then we, the taxpayers, picked up the pieces to the tune of zillions. Hence, why should you as a normal punter have to worry over debt you cannot maintain? Forget it, do not pay and do not worry. What can they really do? They cannot kill you and they cannot make you sick! Only you can make yourself sick. Do not talk to them and only correspond in writing! Switch your phone off and then inform each and everyone of them that; as of today you will only deal with them in writing. Finally, do remember that most of them will not make you bankrupt as that would mean losses to them, why they will talk to you as long as it is possible. However, you may have to accept that you can lose your house and be forced to start all over again. This is better, though, than ending up sectioned or even worse, at the end of a rope. Never give up, but, fight back.

Gustavius

[thesaint0]

hi all, well all of the above is happening to so many of us. I to, lost my business at the beginning of the credit crunch which meant i lost my 150k cash that I had put in. The businesswas my life, then i lost my gorgeous home my car all my possessions, my dignity my pride my health. I paid back over 460k of debts by liquidating all my possessions ended up with severe chest infections paranoia 40 phone calls a day sleeping in the car, my ex wife and kids not seeing me No Income.No friends. post traumatic stress dosorder fear panic the shakes...... ok so how many more of us are out there. unable to feed or clothe myself, no sick pay np incapacity benefit and only getting treatment from my gp.

well eventually after 9 months and help from my mp, i eventually got income support, and then housing benefit and then a referral for cognitive behavioural therapy. Ajm I better, well substanially, I am still poorly and still in debt thanks to credit card companies and there immoral charges banks and their immoral charges. who was the worst culprit, well the local authority for council tax, they sent the baliffs in more times than soft mick, for what.... NOTHING.. I had sold it all and paid it back to creditors. I now have absolutely nothing left to give, I have asked the tax man to bankrupt me, he wont. what crap. I just want to be able to start again and I do not have the money to do it myself..

There has to be pressures we can bring to bear on our politicians. For Instance. If a company claims tax relief on a bad debt then that bad debt shud be annulled and the debtor released from his responsibilities. My business gave a great deal of employment to a lot of people it fed manufacturing companies. we shouldnt be left on the pile to continue to be a negative producer we should have systems and encouragement to get up and get going again with out all the hassle of destroyed credit ratings and no future.

To go through these experiences should and will eventually make us stronger but we really need some positive assistance to go with our own determination. I will get there but it is not an easy trip, and neither should it be, but was it all my fault that the customers stopped coming through the door, NO. so onward and upward, I welcome other caggers thoughts stories and opinions cheers the saint

[thesaint0]

remember folks that the people that survive are the ones most adaptable to change

[gustavius rex]

remember folks that the people that survive are the ones most adaptable to change

 

 

So very true and so very important to understand. Do not let anyone squeeze you so dry you give up, but, fight on and you shall grove stronger by the day.

GR

[bigpaddy1754]

hi,everybody, i am proud of my son,he has been through a lot himself, he lost his first wife about 6yrs ago in a tragic, but not too unexpected way(she suffered severe depression.) he was left with 3 kids 2 under 5.

he lived with us for nearly a year with the kids, he now has his own home and business, but the middle son wanted to stay and live with us, my son sends my wife and i away on holiday twice a year, for a break, wejust love turkey. i am at ease when people who dont know me personslly, have a chat without trying to get into your head. i am just about fed up with the , phyciatrist i see he once told me that if have killed someone and i told him he couldnt tell anyone. i dont see him so much now, my son had a word! we are both trying to sort out the mess i am in, i have one creditor who at first spoke nicely to me and my son, the when we wrote a letter to them explaining what had happened they started to bombard me with letters and phone calls. we have wrote twelve letters to all the ceo,s and to all the relevant departments. all we get back are threats and more demands for money. we sent them a cca (before we found out that they are not covered, but they kept my money and put it off my debt. my son is going to put the debt in dispute over this breach o the consumer credit act unfair practices. will keep you posted. have a nice day.bigpaddy.

[Sea Gull]

One thing that reading these I have realised is that DCA will play on vunerability and fear. I want to ask one question which I think is really important

"What Value Do I Put on My Life?"

being in Debt can never cost you your pride or self respect - that comes from the way you are bought up and you as a person, it may dent your confidence, almost drive you mad, and cause a few red faces.

but in the end who you are and how you see yourself can never be breached.

 

the one thing I advise anyone is to take a hour delay time from any call letter or other means dcs communicate - its so easy to over react and do things through panic! I know ive done it.

In that hour get onto this site and ask - wait for the reply

Know your rights and exactly what these people are able to do and not do.

The key to any issue is knowledge and when under extreme pressure - you tend not to think straight!

Be aware of that and it will keep you calm and collected

Remember also that most of these letters and calls are auto send and auto dial, once you realise that today you will have 10 calls just think ok that will happen its cool, and turn the phone off.

Have a mobile number that only friends and family know ask them to use that to contact you, that way you really do have a peaceful day!

Ive no doubt somewhere along the line, my debtors will have another chase, but for today all is well!

Be Blessed

[the_freedom_trail]

hi all, well all of the above is happening to so many of us. I to, lost my business at the beginning of the credit crunch which meant i lost my 150k cash that I had put in. The businesswas my life, then i lost my gorgeous home my car all my possessions, my dignity my pride my health. I paid back over 460k of debts by liquidating all my possessions ended up with severe chest infections paranoia 40 phone calls a day sleeping in the car, my ex wife and kids not seeing me No Income.No friends. post traumatic stress dosorder fear panic the shakes...... ok so how many more of us are out there. unable to feed or clothe myself, no sick pay np incapacity benefit and only getting treatment from my gp.

well eventually after 9 months and help from my mp, i eventually got income support, and then housing benefit and then a referral for cognitive behavioural therapy. Ajm I better, well substanially, I am still poorly and still in debt thanks to credit card companies and there immoral charges banks and their immoral charges. who was the worst culprit, well the local authority for council tax, they sent the baliffs in more times than soft mick, for what.... NOTHING.. I had sold it all and paid it back to creditors. I now have absolutely nothing left to give, I have asked the tax man to bankrupt me, he wont. what crap. I just want to be able to start again and I do not have the money to do it myself..

There has to be pressures we can bring to bear on our politicians. For Instance. If a company claims tax relief on a bad debt then that bad debt shud be annulled and the debtor released from his responsibilities. My business gave a great deal of employment to a lot of people it fed manufacturing companies. we shouldnt be left on the pile to continue to be a negative producer we should have systems and encouragement to get up and get going again with out all the hassle of destroyed credit ratings and no future.

To go through these experiences should and will eventually make us stronger but we really need some positive assistance to go with our own determination. I will get there but it is not an easy trip, and neither should it be, but was it all my fault that the customers stopped coming through the door, NO. so onward and upward, I welcome other caggers thoughts stories and opinions cheers the saint

 

I must say, you have my complete and utter sympathy and I can only imagine how difficult life has been for you. You wont see it right now, but your life will become the best it has ever been. You will take pleasure from simple things such as berrying on a Sunday afternoon, or sharing a joke. Your friends will be real and genuine - if you have nothing apart from yourself to like or love then they must be genuine friends.

 

I will be blunt though, I think you have the wrong attitude about things - you lost everything you ever loved but most of it was material - a flash car and a nice house. It is not your fault at all - who made you fall in love with these things, these trinkets - were you born wanting a £50,000 car - of course you weren't. This is how the system works, it makes you fall in love with things and desperate to have them, you work harder and harder to have them, ultimately making more and more money for the real keepers of wealth in our country. And then when it all goes pete tong, who pay's the price - you! Notice how Fred the Shred is just like you - his company failed but he walked away with £7million.

 

Also, out of interest, with £460k of assets were you not tempted with a new start in another country - somewhere out of harms way?

 

I wish you all the very best, and the speediest possible recovery.

 

Chin up and stay strong,

 

TFT

[Crapstone]

Reading the posts here (and Cag generally) makes me realise how lucky I am and reminds me how close I've been to losing it all, including my sanity.

 

I have a few 'if only' moments and many regrets but at least I have my health, my family and a roof over my head despite everything. To be honest I'm glad that I've been through the mill as it puts everything into perspective..I was never very materialistic but I'm even less so now and the knowledge I've gained is priceless.

[Mr Worried]

Reading the posts here (and Cag generally) makes me realise how lucky I am and reminds me how close I've been to losing it all, including my sanity.

 

I have a few 'if only' moments and many regrets but at least I have my health, my family and a roof over my head despite everything. To be honest I'm glad that I've been through the mill as it puts everything into perspective..I was never very materialistic but I'm even less so now and the knowledge I've gained is priceless.

Well said crap..good luck

 

Mr W