Interview under caution

[Drivingmemad]

Thanks to jadeybags also For seeing the thread through and giving me sound advice, and everyone really it is much appreciated. It is good to have somewhere for this kind of support.

[hine moa]

Hi DD, thanks again for your post and your perseverance in reading through all of this and sticking with the thread. It is nice to have some support and to know that other have been through this and come out the other side. We did have a good weekend with the kids, they all played football on the field while I watched as I have damaged my spine (long story). My ex did say he will do what it takes to show them he has no money/income and cooperate with anything they asked for.

 

I am going back to the gp tomorrow as with all the stress I am buckling. I went a few months back (I have been off the meds for approx 2 years now which is great but I should never have come off them) This is a new gp, I have lived at my address for 18 months and only registered with new gp a few months ago as I was too afraid (my old go was my entire family's gp and had been in my life for 27 1/2 years) so clearly this was difficult. I explained I was feeling down and my history and he did the test for depression and said I was severely depressed and referred me for counselling. I was gutted. I can't talk about my feelings face to face so I didn't go. I am back the gp tomorrow (booked before I had my IUC letter) to discuss with female new gp will be difficult but I really cannot cope ATM. I feel like a failure. I hope she helps me. I just want my old gp. Last night I am ashamed to say i felt like blowing out. I haven't touched booze (not an alcoholic but had issues with drink) for 7 years except 1 occasion, but the urge was compelling to just damage myself. So now instead I am picking my skin. Anyway sorry about all that it's quite irrelevant, but I hope that by getting it out to someone will help. I can't discuss with my ex, I don't want him stressing out.Again apologies for the TMI.

 

Make sure you tell the new doctor exactly how you are feeling, tell her you were offered counselling and just don't feel ready to talk yet. I was the same, doctor agreed I was/am depressed, referred for counselling but I just don't feel ready to go. I'm frustrated they can't offer me anything else for the time being, it's been a hard slog.

You need to make it very clear you are harming yourself. Can you write down how you feel and hand it over to the doctor, you'll get so much more down on paper before you go than when sitting in front of the doc and wondering, where or how to start. I went in with two sides of A4 full of notes of how I'd been feeling over the week prior to seeing the doc which was just as well as all I did was cry, couldn't get any words out!

Good luck with it all, I've also been through the IUC and then had a trip to court, it was all horrible and not something I'd want to re-live, but I'm still here, I made it through as others have and so will you

[foolmum]

hi dmm

 

if you put in tax credit compliance check into search you will find me.....

i was scared and felt so alone.....knowing there are people who wont judge you and are willing to share their experience for me was a lifeline......

although mine is was by far no way as complex as your situation... maybe our posts might give another person like you and i some much needed support to seek the right help........with the way the benefit system is changing we are only a few of the innocent caught up in a black or white system and we all know life is not that simple.....good luck with your interview.....stay strong for you and your family.....xxxxx

[Drivingmemad]

Thanks foolmum and hine moa. I went back the gp today and after 1 hour of crying and some talking she said that the first doctor really should have prescribed me the meds when I first came. So she did recommend counselling but this time on top of medication, which hopefully will make things easier in the long term. I have to go bk in 4 weeks (or before if I'm struggling anymore). Xx

[Desperate Daniella]

Hi Dmm,

 

Somehow I missed the last email alert for your thread.

 

How are you feeling?

 

What has happened to you? What happened to your ex?

 

DDxx

[Drivingmemad]

Hi Dmm,

 

Somehow I missed the last email alert for your thread.

 

How are you feeling?

 

hi all sorry for the late reply. well things are still as bad if not worse. my ex (who is now my partner again - that will probably make things worse) got 3yrs in prison. we only got back together in the last 2 weeks before he went. i am on the anti depressants now and they are helping more than i thought they would. i think my depression was what was keeping us apart in a big way.

i went to my iuc a few months ago and couldnt go thru with it as i had a huge panic attack. it was awful. they are letting me do it by letter solicitor has that in hand. i'm still very anxious and worried about it all. i know i didnt do anything wrong but they wont see it like that. thanks 4 your concern dd xx

[Desperate Daniella]

I am so sorry you are still having such a rotten time.

 

I know you depended on your ex to a great extent so you must miss him badly now.

 

Please don't start blaming your depression for keeping you and your ex apart. You have had an enormous amount to cope with. Anyone would be depressed.

 

I'm glad your solicitor has things in hand. What does he now think about it all?

 

Big hug,

 

DDxx

[Drivingmemad]

I am so sorry you are still having such a rotten time.

 

I know you depended on your ex to a great extent so you must miss him badly now.

 

Please don't start blaming your depression for keeping you and your ex apart. You have had an enormous amount to cope with. Anyone would be depressed.

 

I'm glad your solicitor has things in hand. What does he now think about it all?

 

Big hug,

 

DDxx[/quote

 

hi dd thanks for the reply. well my solicitor has bn on holiday for a few weeks. i have spoken to him this morning but he brushed me off saying he was busy and will call me back before dinner time tomorrow. i javent told him we are back together yet as i didnt get time i will of course tell him when he rings me back. I dont think we will live together when he gets out its purely a see how we go type thing. i couldnt cope with him

going back inside for any reason. i need to be able to trust him. i do love him tho and the kids do need him. hopefully things will ge

t to work o

[Drivingmemad]

i meant hopefully things will work out for the best! i just dont know whay will happen with this benefit fraud thing now. hes not here so clearly no one can say he lives with me now. dwp werent involved in the iuc either just hb/ctb. it was the police that notified them. because he had used my address for bail but his solucitor is writing a letter stating that we werent together at the time and i asked for his reside and sleep at my address to be changed which is true i said he could use it for important mail but nothing else. so at least i've got some form of evidence backing me.

[Drivingmemad]

oh and they had checked on him at my adress and he was there 3 times but not the other 3. one i slept at my dads he had the kids at mine so i wasnt even there. the second i was at work and he had my daughter and the third we were both there but i was poorly. all the other times i dont know where he was. xx thanks dd xx

[Desperate Daniella]

Hi DMM,

 

Unless your ex is actually living with you again I don't see how that would affect what is going on. How are you "back together"? I know what you mean in terms of the relationship, but in practical terms, you aren't. You cannot be in the near future. I would tell him your ex is in prison. At the moment you and he have decided to do the best for your children because you both love them so you will have contact with him. You do not have to tell him you are "back together" and I wouldn't.

 

As you say, you probably won't live with him when he comes out, so as far as HMRC are concerned you are not together. You have to stick with what you have always said. He was not living with you on a permanent basis. I hope that under the circumstances they take some pity on you but even so I think the worst that will happen is that you have to repay some money - at a rate you can afford.

[Desperate Daniella]

He had to have an address for bail, and he is the father of your children. It is completely understandable that he used your address.

[Drivingmemad]

He had to have an address for bail, and he is the father of your children. It is completely understandable that he used your address.

Hi dd thanks for you replies. Well it's been madness here we've all had a viral infection, hence why I haven't been on. Spoken to solicitor today and he said he "thinks" they will prosecute me! I was just gobsmacked and really annoyed to say the least. I'm so upset. Then I got home from school to find a card from the local councils revenue service (whoever they are) it said to ring them regarding 3 accounts with the account numbers listed, what's that for? I know I have some arrears with council tax but I assumed they all came off my benefit and I can find any paperwork that corresponds to those numbers either, the email address on the card does state council tax recovery something or other but I haven't had any mail from them or I would have answered it obviously! To top it all off I've just lost the card so really mad now. I googled the number but nothing came up so at least I hav the number on browsing history. I suffer from bad anxiety as you know and depression so now have wound myself up into such a state that I'm literally crying my eyes out. I can't take all this rubbish anymore my head is in tatters xx

[Desperate Daniella]

Oh, DMM, I am so sorry.

 

Your solicitor should be standing up for you. You may need to find another one. Let's talk about that tomorrow. I want to read your entire thread again.

 

You must phone the Council first thing tomorrow and ask them about the accounts. That is a priority. Insist on speaking to someone who knows what they are talking about.

 

I think you also need to contact your local councillor.

 

You have been through so much. I can understand why you are crying your eyes out. Anyone would be. But, you have your lovely children so you have to stay strong.

 

The solicitor may well be wrong. Why does he "think" that? If he didn't explain why then you need to call him back too.

 

I will help you with this in any way I can.

 

Hugs,

 

DDxx

[Drivingmemad]

Oh, DMM, I am so sorry.

 

Your solicitor should be standing up for you. You may need to find another one. Let's talk about that tomorrow. I want to read your entire thread again.

 

You must phone the Council first thing tomorrow and ask them about the accounts. That is a priority. Insist on speaking to someone who knows what they are talking about.

 

I think you also need to contact your local councillor.

 

You have been through so much. I can understand why you are crying your eyes out. Anyone would be. But, you have your lovely children so you have to stay strong.

 

The solicitor may well be wrong. Why does he "think" that? If he didn't explain why then you need to call him back too.

 

I will help you with this in any way I can.

 

Hugs,

 

DDxx

Thanks dd,

He said he hasn't been given the figures yet for the overpayment or how much they are saying I owe them. He said he has a similar case where the woman he is repping had split from her other half and he was still getting his bank statements to her address but he was working. It's nothing like my case really so I don't know why he said that. He said the police statements are particularly unhelpful.

 

What do I ask the council when I phone? Am I asking them about the case and the amounts or the card that I had through the door, are these related do you think? As I have had council tax arrears in the past, I suppose that I need to find out if they're connected. Also how do I find out who my local councillor is? And what do I say to them?

 

Thanks again dd xx

[Desperate Daniella]

I don't know why he said that either. Ask him why the police statements were "particularly unhelpful" and what he intends to do to defend you if you are prosecuted.

 

Ask the Council about the card you had through the door and see what they say. It is good that you are responding to them as soon as you can. See what they say before you say anything. You are simply responding to the card.

 

To find your local councillor you can go on the Council website and see who represents your ward. Most wards have two or three so have a look at their profiles and see who you think looks the best for your situation. If you can't find it on the website ask the switchboard at the Council. If you say where you live they'll tell you the names of the councillors.

 

But before you speak to him phone the council about the card they left.

 

xx

[Drivingmemad]

Thanks dd, I'll do it first thing. I won't sleep at all tonight. Thanks for th advice and I will post after I've spoken to the council re the card xx

[Desperate Daniella]

I've had many times in my life when I was so stressed I couldn't sleep. I've tried loads of things. Some work on some occasions, and not on others, but you can try:

 

Closing down each bit of your body in turn - first make your toes relax, then your lower legs, knees, and so on.

 

Every time you think about your situation imagine just a blank canvas painted grey.

 

Count down from 200. This is so incredibly boring I can't imagine anyone can do it more than three times in a row without sleeping. You have to focus though and do it properly: 200, 199, 198 ...

 

Counting down from 100 won't work.

 

xx

[Desperate Daniella]

And, if you get to sleep but wake up in the middle of the night and can't get back to sleep within 30 minutes you stop trying and read a book. Obviously you won't be sleeping, but if you are reading you can't be worrying about your situation because we can only hold one thought at a time.

 

xx

[Drivingmemad]

And, if you get to sleep but wake up in the middle of the night and can't get back to sleep within 30 minutes you stop trying and read a book. Obviously you won't be sleeping, but if you are reading you can't be worrying about your situation because we can only hold one thought at a time.

 

xx

 

Thanks dd,well I did sleep, broken sleep but I got a few hours so that's great. I am exhausted today though, stress most likely. I rang the number on the card this morning, it's not at all related to the benefit fraud thing so I'm glad about that its some old nursery fees. I just feel so down with it all. Some days I don't even want to be here, although I think about it I wouldn't actually do it and leave my kids alone. They do need me I know that.

 

I haven't spoken to the solicitor today as I've got other things to worry about so that will have to keep for now.

 

Xx

[Desperate Daniella]

Hi DMM,

 

I'm glad you've spoken to the Council because that is one less thing to worry about for now.

 

Of course you are feeling tired and stressed. You've had weeks of worry to deal with.

 

I just don't understand why your solicitor would say what he did, as his other case is totally different to yours. Let me know when you have spoken to him.

 

We all have, or have had, days when we don't want to be here. We have to be here for our children.

 

I hope you can cope with your other worries. If there's anything you think we can help with please let us know.

 

Hugs,

 

DDxx

[Drivingmemad]

Thanks dd. I might post the rest later if I feel up to it xx

[Desperate Daniella]

Whenever you are ready. xx

 

(I won't be around much tomorrow though until late in the day so don't worry if I don't come back to you very quickly.)