Effects of debt on my health and lifestyle?

[Guest Cartaphilus]

Well, what happens when you get 100 nuclear bombs dropped on your life at once? Devastation follows, your health gets worse and worse. You want to give up, but some stupid part of you wants to still drag you through all of it, futilely hoping that things will get better when deep down you honestly know they won't. Guess some people become so trapped with it all, there is no way out. Yes, you can live with the devastation but ultimately, you know whatever you do next it's not going to go away, and probably life long. I really don't like what it's done to my health - I hate it - and what it is still doing to me. I hate more how it affects other people, because of going through it myself. You don't want to give up but when you see what you are up against, not just with finances, how you are living, where you are living, the whole lot is being surrounded with four very solid walls, with no doorway towards any kind of hope. Any end to it. There are some things you can't put into words, this is one of them.

 

Coping with it ... Well, who hasn't been coping with it for however long it's been? Sure, you can cope with it, hang onto what you have left, but you know one day that you may have to just turn your back on it all, and leave what you knew behind you, to start a new phase in life. But in doing so, you then make it worse by having no home, nowhere to live but ... The home is where the pain is, the reminder of it all.

 

Been thinking on it for a while now, maybe the only answer to truly escape all of it is to walk through the door, take a few possessions, leave all the rest behind (you know it'll get taken away in the end). There's so much that has been taken away, yet you have given so much of yourself that in the end none of it's makes sense.

 

Being a good person in life, just simply is not enough anymore. But when you look back on it all you must question it - has being the good person that others have known you to be, kind, generous, always giving been the thing that has become your own destruction in life? It's not a life, really, when you think on it. That you've effectively lived your life through others, through helping them. Yet have had no real life of your own.

 

I really don't know anymore.

Edited February 6, 2010 by Cartaphilus

[Crapstone]

I can connect on all levels with what you have said so meaningfully.

 

It's a hard fight but one that can be won without throwing in the towel and turning your back on your own reflection. If I'd have read your post 6 years ago I may have thought differently.

 

I had mortgage arrears and threatened with bailiffs, large debts and was in a complete mess. That was the 'nuclear bomb' dropping as I hadn't got a clue that my OH hadn't been paying any bills and emptied everything. I found out the whole sorry mess in one evening and that shattered everything, much more than physical possessions.

 

I could have given up on everything and I did at one point..ready to walk away and more. Something made me stop and listen. Go back over things and start talking afresh. I had to at least try however much it hurt and whatever was thrown at me.

 

Just glad that I didn't give up on anything. It's a lot better 6 years on but I know what those dark places feel like and how much of a struggle it is to get back into the light.

 

With a little help I'm sure you'll get there too.

 

xxx

[BankFodder]

Well, what happens when you get 100 nuclear bombs dropped on your life at once? Devastation follows, your health gets worse and worse. You want to give up, but some stupid part of you wants to still drag you through all of it, futilely hoping that things will get better when deep down you honestly know they won't. Guess some people become so trapped with it all, there is no way out. Yes, you can live with the devastation but ultimately, you know whatever you do next it's not going to go away, and probably life long. I really don't like what it's done to my health - I hate it - and what it is still doing to me. I hate more how it affects other people, because of going through it myself. You don't want to give up but when you see what you are up against, not just with finances, how you are living, where you are living, the whole lot is being surrounded with four very solid walls, with no doorway towards any kind of hope. Any end to it. There are some things you can't put into words, this is one of them.

 

Coping with it ... Well, who hasn't been coping with it for however long it's been? Sure, you can cope with it, hang onto what you have left, but you know one day that you may have to just turn your back on it all, and leave what you knew behind you, to start a new phase in life. But in doing so, you then make it worse by having no home, nowhere to live but ... The home is where the pain is, the reminder of it all.

 

Been thinking on it for a while now, maybe the only answer to truly escape all of it is to walk through the door, take a few possessions, leave all the rest behind (you know it'll get taken away in the end). There's so much that has been taken away, yet you have given so much of yourself that in the end none of it's makes sense.

 

Being a good person in life, just simply is not enough anymore. But when you look back on it all you must question it - has being the good person that others have known you to be, kind, generous, always giving been the thing that has become your own destruction in life? It's not a life, really, when you think on it. That you've effectively lived your life through others, through helping them. Yet have had no real life of your own.

 

I really don't know anymore.

 

 

It sounds as if your difficulties are much more than merely financial ones - but anyway, if it is that bad then financial difficulties can be solved at one go by bankruptcy.

 

We are hearing a lot of very good things about the intelligent and sympathetic treatment people are getting when they apply for bankruptcy. Have a look at the bankruptcy forum on this site.

It doesn't take very long and once it is done, a huge part of the burden is lifted - and you probably then have time and energy to start looking at the other problems in your life in a calmer and more focused way

[Guest Cartaphilus]

without throwing in the towel and turning your back on your own reflection.

 

That's it really, I will always fight against adversity (whether mine or anyone I come across in life), not throwing the towel in. I've been knocked down so many times rightly or wrongly, I will never give in. All this is a problem I know that can be got around eventually. But debt and health are quite a viscious circle at times, which I've managed to separate for a while but sometimes you get a nasty reminder, complications with a debt collection agency. Whereas, I've had my mind off such thoughts, been relaxed over it, with help of course, and have dealt with the various agencies enough to ensure things are dealt with more fairly, basically making sure I knew what was what with things not open that nasty red letter and panic for example. The health things I've coped and dealt with for ages.

 

Yes, my problems are more than just debt - no different to plenty out there but some have more on their plates than others yet I very rarely voice this to anyone, it's complicated as sometimes there aren't people you can relate to easily around you or find someone who will just sit and listen, which is what I, myself, have done a lot in life for others, I can't help it, I have a natural need to help people where I mean I've sorted other people out, but neglected myself, so life passes by, then you get to a point where you do look back and assess how you got where you are now; guess it's a mid life thing - but I will deal with it.

 

Thank you for your replies. Sometimes I put my thoughts down, so I can physically see them, then make sense of where I am right now by working through them and understand things more.

[anneemack]

Hey there Cartaphilus, don't despair. My nuclear bomb dropped early 2004 with a redundancy after a long period of incapacity.

Your's sound a lot worse than mine was, but hey I'm still here!

Bloody annoying fact to some folk methinks.

Bankruptcy sorted me out, the feeling was probably better than that of a suicide bomber when he pulls the cord to send him to paradise.

I am still on anti-depressants, probably will be for the rest of my life doc says.

But am off the tranquilisers, sleepers and beta-blockers.

Believe me when I say I wish this site had been in my life then.

It would have saved me a whole lot of grief, stress and sleepless nights.

We WILL support you, just give us a nudge.

Mental health issues are still a taboo subject, though god knows why. Perhaps it's because there is no visible injury, like a broken leg and a plaster cast.

Or people are scared of the "broken brain". And associate all mental health issues with the likes of paranoid schizophrenics (poor, poor lost souls) and paedophiles and mass murderers.

PM if you want to.

Have had psychiatric in-patient treatment and I am not ashamed of the fact now, though was for a long time after.

And like me you are a "people pleaser", youself is last on the list, you and I and others like us will always try to help others to our own detriment

Edited February 6, 2010 by anneemack
more info

[Crapstone]

That's it really, I will always fight against adversity (whether mine or anyone I come across in life), not throwing the towel in. I've been knocked down so many times rightly or wrongly, I will never give in. All this is a problem I know that can be got around eventually. But debt and health are quite a viscious circle at times, which I've managed to separate for a while but sometimes you get a nasty reminder, complications with a debt collection agency. Whereas, I've had my mind off such thoughts, been relaxed over it, with help of course, and have dealt with the various agencies enough to ensure things are dealt with more fairly, basically making sure I knew what was what with things not open that nasty red letter and panic for example. The health things I've coped and dealt with for ages.

 

Yes, my problems are more than just debt - no different to plenty out there but some have more on their plates than others yet I very rarely voice this to anyone, it's complicated as sometimes there aren't people you can relate to easily around you or find someone who will just sit and listen, which is what I, myself, have done a lot in life for others, I can't help it, I have a natural need to help people where I mean I've sorted other people out, but neglected myself, so life passes by, then you get to a point where you do look back and assess how you got where you are now; guess it's a mid life thing - but I will deal with it.

 

Thank you for your replies. Sometimes I put my thoughts down, so I can physically see them, then make sense of where I am right now by working through them and understand things more.

 

It does often help just to put your thoughts down and know that you aren't alone.

 

There are a lot of people here that will listen, and offer as much help and support as they can, when and as you need it.

 

Take care xx

[loobyloo85]

Hi Cartiphilus, I am very sorry to hear about how low you are feeling. I too reached that point 2 years ago. Prior to that I was burying my head in the sand hoping it would all go away. I then decided to look into different ways of clearing my debts once and for all, so that I could finally see a light at the end of the tunnel. I looked into all options. I couldnt do an IVA as I didnt have enough debt, I didn't want bankruptcy at the time, so I decided to enroll on a debt management plan with payplan who I have been paying through since, and I have to say the pressure that has been taken off me is unreal. If I have any problems, I have someone to call. I am assured that my monthly payment is going towards each creditor fairly each month, and feel content that this is the case. I feel I am trying my very best to clear my debt, and although my creditors do still play up, I know that I have someone at payplan supporting me.

I dont know if you have an arrangement in place, but it may be worth looking into to help the way you are feeling, and also help reduce your debt xxx

[Guest Cartaphilus]

Thanks for all the replies. Really frightened now. My case worker at the debt advice service who has been dealing with everything on my behalf for a long while now, dealing with the letters (so I don't have to anymore and not worry because I knew someone was there doing that for me) and making offers of payments has left. As of now, I have no case worker allocated to me and I can't seem to get anywhere with the service as to whether or not I will be getting a new one. This leaves me in a very frightened state right now, because obviously the letters don't stop and I can't forward them to anyone to sort out for me.

 

Don't know what to do. I know I can get help from here but the ground just opened up, and have been left to deal with all of it on my own again as I was before going to the service I was eventually put onto. At this stage, I every much feel that they will offer me no further help. If they do that then I really don't know what I will do or whom to turn to. I tried all the usual routes before going to them, wrote letters and so on, then for a long time I've not had to worry about the letters because I've known I can forward them and they would deal with them.

 

Just don't know what to do.

[loobyloo85]

Hi, with you saying you have no case worker at the moment, your case should be and will be dealt with by someone within that company/department in their absence, who will be able to help and advise you the same as your case worker did.

Call the company back who are dealing with your debt problems, and insist that you speak with someone who can help with your case. If worse comes to worse and you really have no case worker. It may be worth looking to go with a different debt management company who would be able to work on your case for you x

[Guest Cartaphilus]

Greetings. It's a free service I use. It took me a while getting any sense out of the switchboard there (because the advisors were on another floor, they had to be emailed my concerns and would get back to me in 7 days; explained to them that some of the letters I've had needed replies urgently) but eventually got the name of the person I can send any documents to. Thing is, I did ask the previous person weeks ago if he would ensure that I would get a new name before they left, so I knew who to send to. I would have used CAB, but have tried them frequently and they are always closed it seems; I know some CABs have very reduced services now due to budget cuts.

 

Anyway, I've sent copies of the letters now and hope all is well. Because it's free, I know they are swamped by people especially right now with financial crisis, job losses as a result of that, so the service has been reduced to just one person I think dealing with everything.

 

I have notified some of the companies concerned to wait contact from someone and they will deal directly with them as before.

[loobyloo85]

Hi

 

I am glad to hear that you managed to get in touch with someone. Although they are free, and busy, this is no excuse for them to lose their client care and should make the time.

[Guest Cartaphilus]

Oh, I agree utterly. In fact, due to their last message to me - over which I am totally concerned with the quality of training/information - as it contained so many wrong things about stuff like a credit card not having a credit agreement, they also from their message, appear to be siding with my creditors and certainly not me. So, now I am back to square one, doing it all myself again as before. Didn't really want to as it was much easier letting them do it but there again, they would never challenge anyone on CCAs, fair debt procedure and so on. Harassment letters. They also told me they can no longer provide the same service as before. But after what I read, it's not in my best interests anyway now. Because the information they came out with was not only wrong but also will land many people they are helping in serious trouble later on.

[FlyboyAgain]

Hi, I'm back on CAG after a long absence.

 

I've always been a strong guy but when OH & I finally faced up to our debts, CAB helped us out, all the while the bank and their DCA lapdogs were phoning us all hours. The phone was still ringing at 9:45 some nights.

 

Around that time I lost my mother: can you imagine having to deal with all that, the family estate, etc, and finding some guy on the phone to you speaking to you like you were sh*t when you'd thought it was another family member wanting to talk about stuff? And it got worse after CAB got so inundated and we decided to go it alone.

 

I'll never forgive them, the DCAs and that HBOS crowd. Never.

 

Then I found CAG and the roles were reversed PDQ and a mountain of hurt lifted from wife and I.

 

I'd never trust any person who works for a bank ever again, and if any of you bank trolls are reading this, your day will come.

 

I often wonder about the people who didn't find this site or find away out of the harrassment, the vitriol, the demands and what they did to stop it all.

[Guest Cartaphilus]

Well, this is an old thread of mine and ... Well, anyway. But I'd like to see them try and phone me because I don't have a phone.

 

Thought, last time one did I gave short thrift to and what would happen if they continued to and which I actually did at the time, which was to have a trace put on the line to find out who was calling and got it sorted out that way. I don't mess around with these things, not that I did before. But sometimes a bigger bat is needed.

[hilaryfrances]

Well, this is an old thread of mine and ... But sometimes a bigger bat is needed.

 

 

you talking to me?

[Consumer dude]

you talking to me?

 

 

 

 

 

This thing you have with bats, have you sought help at all ?

[hilaryfrances]

lol CD you always manage to make me laugh!!

[sillygirl1]

I still have a house phone which doesn't ring in the house, I can use it to dial out on but if anyone rings it just rings. I didn't bother with an answerphone as I kept getting really nasty calls on it, ie phone us or else... well 'or else' happened by way of repossession in October 2006 and since then I have had an uphill climb, but I have managed to get there with the help of CAG, which I found in March 2007.

 

If I hadn't found CAG I would still be paying pittances for debts and having the hassle of the 3 monthly income assessments, but I put my foot down, used their own tactics on them and am now on the last two payments of the final debt, which I am going to make as one payment.... wonder if I will get a letter from them saying missed installment!

 

It has had an effect on my health, and I am very wary of going back down that path again but now I have the knowledge I am not likley to make the same mistake twice.

 

Hope all is getting better with you and the wife and that things are improving. If you want to rant about anything feel free to PM me.

[Guest Cartaphilus]

This thing you have with bats, have you sought help at all ?

 

Ha ha.