home repossession and effects on health

[Janie1962]

Hi, Richard

 

I'm really sorry to read what you're going through. I've been there and it's not a good place BUT it will get better. I've been in the position of being too scared to answer the phone - and the door - and to open letters. I was on my own (with 2 small children) for six years, and spent most of that time living in fear of what the day might bring. The only time I could take a breather was on a Sunday (no post!) and then I spent the time worrying about Monday..........I think worry just breeds more worry, to be honest.

 

The way I got through it eventually was by seeing my GP and getting help for my depression. It wasn't easy to do, admitting I needed help, but I did it and it was the first step to getting my life back. I felt better within days - not because of the meds, but because I realised that at last I was starting to take control. My main "problem" was the feeling of sheer helplessness; making this very small start took some of that feeling away. Then I decided to tackle my creditors; this was very scarey. Firstly, I assembled all the unopend mail - mountains of it! Put it into order, first each creditor, and then by date order within each pile. Then I actually sat down and READ each letter, and do you know what? They weren't as scary as I thought! Each one was dealt with, following the procedures outlined on CAG. A few of them huffed and puffed, but you can't get blood out of a stone! Now, I'm not debt-free but the "monster" is under control and I can answer the phone and know that I'll be OK. If you do choose to answer your phone, Richard, and it's a DCA, tell them to put everything in writing. Be polite, but firm and then PUT THE PHONE DOWN. Really, what's the worst that can happen? You might fluff your words a bit (I did!) and feel bloody awful (yep) but at the end of the day it's not personal to the DCA; you're just another target and they won't give a stuff, so why should you?

 

You can through it, and you WILL. Just have a little faith in yourself - and in CAG - take a deep breath and go for it! I can promise you it gets so much better when you feel in control.

 

Look after yourself.

 

Best wishes

Janie

[Janie1962]

Hi, Richard

 

Yes, I did have a DCA at the door. I told him I would only deal with the matter in writing. I closed the door while he was still stood there, and luckily he left without comment. I was crying and shaking afterwards and felt so ashamed, but it did work. The thing is, because this is a 'help' forum, you only get to hear the horror stories - I'm certain there are responsible door-steppers out there. When I had bailiffs at my door for Council Tax, THEY returned it the Council because they could see I was vunerable. I wasn't even aware they could do that. So you see, it's all too easy to imagine the very worst and quite often things are never as bad! I know it's easy for me to say it, Richard, but I HAVE been there and if I can get through it, you can too. I'm not brave, I felt cornered; so like any cornered animal I fought back out of sheer desperation.

 

I'm slowly paying back what I owe. One of the companies accepted £1.00 per month on a debt that will take eighty years to repay at that rate........and I'm no spring chicken now! If you're upfront with the companies and show willingness to repay I think the majority will accept whatever you propose, eventually. Like I said before, you can't get blood out of a stone! If you have any charges or PPI to reclaim, these will normally be used to reduce (or even wipe out) the debt. Bear in mind, there are thousands upon thousands of us out there, you're never alone. But make sure first that the DCA has the right to collect - get your stuff together, read it! and we'll all help you get sorted. It's what friends are for.

 

Best wishes

Janie

[Janie1962]

Hey, that's great, Richard! Now you're starting to take control; proud of you. Just take it slowly one step at a time and don't push yourself too much. I know how the medication can make you feel - I felt like I was moving through treacle and totally spaced-out. Eventually my body got used to it and I felt "normal", more or less. How long have you been on the meds? Can I ask, are you in receipt of any benefits?

 

When you feel ready we can move on to the next stage of deciding who gets what. It just takes a bit of working out, a few standard letters that can be edited to suit each creditor and a few stamps. We'll sort it between us - there's a huge amount of knowledge on CAG and a huge amount of experienced people if we get stuck at some point. You'll get through this, Richard.

 

Thank you for your good wishes; it's lovely of you to think of us when you're not too well.

 

Take care of yourself - make sure you're eating properly and getting enough sleep. Take a vitamin supplement - some meds can hinder the absorbsion of vitamins & minerals........can't you just tell I'm someone's mother!!! Anyway, it all helps!

 

Best wishes

Janie

[Janie1962]

Hi, Richard

 

I've had depression for almost 20 years on-and-off. I've come to realise that it's just the same as as any other recurrent illness; it happens, I get treatment, I get better!

 

If your folks are prepared to support you, that's great! What happens when you need some money - what I'm trying to ask (in a very clumsy way - sorry!) is how would they react if you told them you needed money to pay your creditors? Sorry for the questions, Richard, I'm just trying to get a clear idea of your circumstances. If you'd rather not reveal personal stuff on an open forum, please PM me. Take it at your own pace, so PLEASE don't fret if you're not feeling up to doing anything at the moment. I'll be here when you're ready.

 

Promise me one thing, though. Do something nice for yourself every day! Just spend a few minutes on yourself, doing something you enjoy. It doesn't have to cost anything - read a page or so of a good book, have a long, hot bath with lots of bubbles (OK, that's my favourite; probably not a man-thing!), get out in the fresh air - whatever makes you happy. You deserve it.

 

Best wishes

Janie

[Janie1962]

See, Richard? You're most certainly not alone! Concentrate on getting better; the rest will follow. We're here to help and support you when you feel the time is right, so look after yourself and don't forget to give youself a pat on the back every now and again!

 

Best wishes

Janie

[Janie1962]

Hi, Richard

 

Hope you had a good weekend, and was able to relax a bit. You need to give yourself a break from the constant worrying.

 

Hope you remembered to get those vitamins, too!

 

Best wishes

Janie

[Janie1962]

Hi, Richard

 

Glad you're taking the vitamins! Seriously, though - if your body's run down your mind will be too. Lack of sleep is horrible; all kinds of things run through your head and things always seem so much worse. There are herbal supplements you can take but you MUST check with the pharmacist first, as they can have a deterimental effect on some anti-depressants.

 

I'm pleased you enjoyed listening to some music - please do something like that every day; you deserve to have some pleasure out of life! Like I said before, spending even just a few minutes doing something you like, just for yourself gives you a break from the constant cycle of worry and fear. And eventually, the good times will outweigh the bad. Have faith in yourself, Richard - we know you can do it.

 

Best wishes

Janie

[Janie1962]

Lillibelle's spot-on, Richard! You're very fortunate that you have the breathing space of being under the DCA radar at the moment. Use this time to get all your ducks lined up, so you can shoot 'em down when they rear their heads! In other words, whilst you're not under pressure from them, you can take your time to sort out your priorities (just as Lillibelle says) and then the rest will follow. If you're not working, a tiny token amount should be offered to each creditor who should also be offered two choices - take it or leave it! Think of it as negotiating a sale; you start very low, the DCA will start very high. Eventually you'll come to a level that suits you and is acceptable to them. Never do it over the phone, ALWAYS leave a paper trail (and for that reason, I don't advise setting fire to any letters! Keep everything) that way there can be no misunderstandings.

 

Hope you had a better nights sleep last night and make sure you spend some time today doing something you enjoy! We're all rooting for you.

 

Best wishes

Janie

[Janie1962]

That's good, Richard! I look forward to reading this thread, too - it's good to keep up with friends. And it helps me as well - putting things down on (virtual) paper clears my head too, so it's all good

 

Hope everyone's well.

 

Janie

[Janie1962]

Oooohhhh.......do tell!

[Janie1962]

Richard, your post are NOT depressing! You're not expected to be turning cartwheels - if you can't be yourself here, where can you be?

 

I've had DCAs turning up. I tell them it's being sorted at their office and I will not discuss it with them. It's worked so far - but having a big dog howling helps! If you don't give them time to answer and close the door firmly there's not much they can do. Yes, it can be embarrassing, but no-one ever died of embarrassment. Besides which, hopefully we can head them off and it won't get that far for you.

 

Lillibelle's courage is inspiring; and she's living proof it can be done, Richard. You'll get there, too!

[Janie1962]

Morning, everyone! Pleased there were no horrors in the mail for you today oldgirl, and I hope no-one else had any either. We got Cap One's standard drivel regarding the fact we haven't paid the full monthly installment. No we haven't, no we can't. They've had a small token payment and there's nothing else now until next month! Sick to the back teeth of explaining there's far too much month left at the end of the money.......they'll get the message eventually.

 

Richard - how are you today? I was reading through all this thread last night, and it suddenly struck me how much courage you actually have. It takes guts to post on a forum and bare your soul like you've done. So please don't think you have none, Richard because you do. You just don't recognise it yet!

 

Best wishes

Janie

Edited September 13, 2012 by Janie1962

[Janie1962]

Richard, I'm so sorry you're having such a bad day. They happen, I know, and it's pointless to pretend otherwise. What I do, is write it all down. Really put eveything - every negative thing - down on paper. Don't hold anything back; just let it come. When you've finished, fold up that piece of paper and put it somewhere out of sight. When you're having a better day, read that piece of paper again. It'll prove to you just how much you are capable of, and that you ARE getting better, a little at a time.

 

You have some truly amazing qualities, Richard - you're kind, honest with your feelings, articulate.........yes, you've made some mistakes, and you have an illness that can't be seen or quantified. That doesn't make you a failure. It makes you human, like the rest of us! I've come to realise that everyone's life is like a swan - all you ever see is the smooth glide along the water; you never see the frantic paddling underneath that stops it from sinking! You never truly know what goes in someone else's life. We all have our demons, some are more apparent than others, that's all.

 

Be kind to yourself, love, you're a good person and deserve the best!

 

Best wishes

Janie

[Janie1962]

That's a wonderful way putting it, Ro - so very true.

 

Thinking of you, Richard.

[Janie1962]

Hi, Richard

 

So pleased things are looking a bit better for you today. Eventually, there'll be more and more good ones - you'll see! Don't know what the weather's like where you are, but here in North Yorks it's lovely and sunny, so I'm going to mow the lawn and cut the hedge!!!

 

Lillibelle - I'm so sorry to hear about your OH's father. Like Richard says, it must be so very difficult for you both. Keep your chin up, sweetie.

 

Hope Girly & Ro are both fit and well today - see you all later!

 

Best wishes

Janie

[Janie1962]

Yes, I'm a sugar mummy, too (although sometimes he acts like I'm his real mummy lol).

 

How's everyone today? I'm shattered - got the hedge cut yesterday, then I had to take my Mum shopping. She's almost 80, and apart from her health problems does very well. Trouble is, it takes hours!!! Got back, made tea and then got an email from Doglost to say a dog is missing in my area. Spent the rest of the evening printing off posters and putting them round town with my dog (Doberman cross psychopath). Hope the missing dog is found soon.

 

What sort of a day did you all have yesterday? Hope your day was good, Richard - did the sun shine for you? It was glorious here, but today's a bit cloudier. Never mind, eh? It's another thing we just can't change!

 

Best wishes

Janie

[Janie1962]

Hi, everyone

 

Pleased reading the Forum helped a bit for you, Richard. We care about you a lot, you know! A get well immediately pill is a damn good idea - I'd use it for my knee at the moment - all the exercise yesterday has really done it in! Ah, well, it could be worse, I guess. Still no sign of the missing dog. She's a springer from a farm. There's a massive black market in the south for working dogs - I hope it's not spreading up here. People pinch them and sell them on - so I'm praying she's just lost and has been taken in by someone. Fingers crosed she's found soon.

 

Hope your stomach's getting back to normal, Lilli, and you're taking it easy. My daughter's terrible - anything gastric, she gets in spades. Vomits like she's possessed, and as for the other..........let's not go there!

 

Sorry to hear you had a panic attack, Ro - it must have been awful for you. Hope you recovered from it quickly.

[Janie1962]

Hope everyone had a good day. Pleased you're both feeling better, Ro & Lilli; haven't heard anything from Richard & Girly today. Lilli - hope British Gas refund your money asap, and see if your son will send some nice weather over here! Love cyclamens - when I had my 40th birthday I was working in a little coffee shop, and one of the regulars - a really nice bloke who had special needs - bought me a beautiful potted cyclamen. I think it was nicest gift I ever had from someone outside the family.

 

Hope you all sleep well, and speak soon.

 

Best wishes

Janie xx

[Janie1962]

Hi, everyone!

 

Sorry I've not been around; I don't work (well, bits of me do still!) but my laptop is playing silly b*ggers - it keeps lagging, losing connection & generally being a heap of junk. I get so frustrated I can only stay on for a few minutes at a time!

 

Pleased you got your refund and extra compensation - good result, Lilli! Sorry to have laughed, Ro, but I thought your vacuum cleaner misshap was hilarious...!!!!!!!

 

I hope Richard is OK - I know he's having computer issues, but maybe also he's decided this thread has run its' course? Anyway, he knows where we are!

 

Best wishes

Janie

[Janie1962]

Brilliant advice Janie. I will try to be as brave as you. Depression stinks xx Hope you are well

 

Thank you, Lewte, I'm fine at the moment! You're right - depression is an awful illness. But that's what it IS - an illness. And even if it can't be cured, with the right medication and support it can be controlled..........please don't let yourself be defined by it; it's not who you are, it's something you have! I'm not brave; I just reached a place where it was either sink or swim - luckily I swam, but I couldn't have done it without the right support. Any time you need a boost, we'll be here xx

 

 

So pleased to hear from Richard again - I know you PC issues (snap!) but it doesn't stop any of us worrying!

 

Glad you're both OK, Ro & Lilli. Will post tomorrow if the laptop will let me!!!

 

Sweet dreams, everyone xx

[Janie1962]

hi

 

everybody has gone quite. what happened gals. are u guys busy or just keeping the distance.

 

Laptop probs (piece of junk!) and gall bladder probs! I'm getting back to normal now, as is the laptop, so all's well (or at least getting there!) Hope you're well, Richard, and everyone else on the thread. Sorry at the moment I don't have much time; I'm trying to get a lot sorted around the house and garden. My mother's cats are ill, too, so I've been taking them to vet every other day!

 

Hopefully, everyone is OK - I have been thinking of you all!

 

Best wishes

Janie