My Dad

[MONX]

My Dad has been a little under the weather for a couple of months and after some badgering he has relented to go to the doctors.

 

The doctor gave him a thorough examination and straight away referred him to a specialist.

 

Unknown to us my Dad has been bleeding from his bottom for about three months now, he thought it was just piles and put up with it. He comes from that generation that is "never ill" and just plods on. The specialist checked his bowel out with an endoscope and found a growth. He said that he had seen many like this and in his opinion it is cancerous, he went on to say that although he is quite sure it is cancerous he said that he wasnt sure if it was malignant or benign (but he did say that the bleeding was an indicator that it was more than likely malignant).

 

He berated my Dad for not seeking medical advice before he did and went on to say that they would give him an MRI and CT scan to ensure there was nothing nasty anywhere else and that a biopsy will confirm the type of cancer and what treatment would be required.

 

My Dad has aged twenty years in a day. I have never seen him looking so old or vulnerable and it has made me so angry...firstly that someone who has worked so hard all his life and has only retired in February is now having to deal with a chronic illness. I am also angry that he didnt go to the doctors before as we are not sure what the prognosis is but I am sure the earlier these things are caught the more positive the outcome. I am also really scared. My Dad has always been there, and I can't imagine life without him. I know that is being pessimistic but I am really scared that this is a possibility and I suppose I am trying to prepare for the worst but hope for the best.

 

According to the doctor, men find going to the doctors with complaints about their bottoms or genitals embarrasing and put it off until it is unbearable and this also means that it is less likely to be treatable.

 

For heaven sake, male or female, if you have a problem with something and you are embarrassed to ask for medical help, just think how embarrasing it is going to be for my Dad to have to use a colostomy bag or worse!

[empowered]

Oh Monx - I'm so sorry for both you and your dad - however, surgery and treatment can be brilliant these days although I don't have any knowledge of this particular problem. You're quite right in your comments that men won't go the GPs with any personal problems:rolleyes: My dad who is now 83, discovered he had prostate cancer about 4 yrs ago. He's been prodded, and jabbed and put on medication and injections and he is now clear... however at the time he really thought he had had it, and imagined all sorts of pains in his body, and had convinced himself it had spread to his bones:cool: He's now on a annual check up and since mum died, is living life to the full with a trip to Paris planned for next week plus a cruise by himself. Keep us updated so you can get the moral support you need:)

[Mungypup]

Oh chuck, so sorry to hear that. I hope the news is positive and they get back to you soon. I can't imagine what you or him are feeling. Shall keep my paws crossed for you for good news.*Hugs*.

[hilaryfrances]

Hello Monx, I am sorry about your dad but I feel the same about doctors as he does, after seeing whay other people have to go through you wonder if it is worth it. I would not want to be mutalted like some of my friends. I would rather just die. Some of us are just terrified of the medical proffesion. My husband is being treated for cancer at the moment If he did not want the treatment I would respect his wishes. My sister died last year and really suffered.

[pompeyfaith]

Monx i am so sorry to hear this my dad was of the same breed we lost him to cancer almost 12 mths ago so i can relate to how you feel my dad worked right up until he went into hospital and from first diagnosis to is death only 6 wks had past now as for you be strong for his sake and take one day at a time do not run before u can walk and grill the doctors for as much info as possible right now shower your dad with buckets of love take care PF

Edited March 17, 2010 by pompeyfaith

[MONX]

Thank you all for your good wishes, it really means a lot to me.

 

I know at this point nothing is written in stone and even if things are not good there is a lot of treatment that can help my Dad, I just keep imagining the worst.

 

Empowered, I'm really glad your Dad is living his life to the full, I know my Dad is far from beaten and I am sure once we know what we are fighting and how we are going to do it he will have a similar outlook!

 

HF, I know what you are saying and I am so sorry your sister suffered. When all hope is gone the one thing we hope for our loved ones is that they die with dignity and as painlessly as possible. I would say though that if certain illnesses are detected early enough then the medical intervention is less intrusive and is likely to have a more positive outlook. I just think that if you go to the doctor and they have found something you then have a choice, go with medical intervention or not. If you leave it too long then there is no choice.

 

Again, thank you so much for your kind words and I will update when he's had all his tests.

[pompeyfaith]

if you need to speak to someone may i recommend Mcmillan they were fantastic to me and my dad and yes for now be strong and possitive until you get those results

 

Remember we are here to help you threw this difficult time PF

[Bookworm]

The "good" news is that if he's only been bleeding for 3 months, it may be that it still qualifies as early onset. Also, medical care has improved so much that there is a much better chance of a positive outcome than there were even only a few years ago.

 

Cancer, even just the word, is scary. Most people know someone who have lost someone to it and it is easy to get overwhemed.

 

Your anger is, if you don't mind me saying so, misdirected. It's easier to be angry than to face the very real fear of losing your dad, especially when you can't blame anyone for this, it's one of them "sh*t happens" things ... But, and forgive me for pointing the obvious, if you're scared, think how much more scared you dad must be, and if he's old school, he probably won't even know how to express this... Vicious circle.

 

Honey, believe me, the shock will wear off and you will all start planning how to best handle this, privately and as a family.

 

I agree that McMillan nurses would be a good idea to contact asap and see what support they can offer, they have seen it all, heard it all, and will be able to answer any questions which are bound to be going through your head at the moment with no idea as to where to find the answers.

 

{{{{HUGS}}}}

[SOD'EM]

I know that stress can make matters worse Monx. And fearing the worse may prepare you slightly for what's to come, but it will not help matters now. Try to just live as normal until you get any bad news. As stated above, the treatments available at the moment are great. I really hope that this is nothing more than a fright and he will take heed in the future, and seek medical advice as soon as he thinks something is not right.

[pompeyfaith]

bookworm could not have put it better

[jailbird]

I am so very sorry to hear about your Dad. As you say the older folkes don't do doctors. My Mum was exactly the same with her breast. Was was a lot larger than the other (mine is the same now and I am waiting to see the specialist next tues). Hopefully they have caught it in time and they can treat it. I remember the anger I felt whenMum was diagnosed because she had not told us.

 

Give him a hug and get some help in.

 

Thinking of you with kindness

 

JB xx

[MONX]

Thank you so much for your support, so sorry to hear about your Dad PF. My cousin lost her daughter to cancer earlier this year and the McMillan nurses and Martin House were a godsend we will take all the advice and support that is available to us because we are all scared, especially my Dad and yes Bookie you are right anger is misdirected and it is probably in reality frustration at the unfairness of it all.

 

Cant say how much all your support and kindness means to me. Thank you so much.

[MONX]

just a quick update, Dad has had an MRI and CT scan, his biopsys and the doctors and surgeon will have a conference tomorrow and then I they will call my Dad to let him know when he is going into hospital for the op (which one it is he is having).

[Zimmie]

Monx, I'm so saddened to hear of your Dad's illness and I do hope all goes well for him.

Parents are so precious.

My best wishes, Zim.

[mazbck]

So sorry to hear about your Dad Monx, I went through something similar over 2 years ago.

 

My Dad had his prosate op done almost 7 years ago, and was told everything was OK, then 5 years later he wasnt feeling good and they discovered his bladder full or tumours, this was removed along with his bladder and he underwent chemo, the managed fine with his stoma bag and never complained against it either. In July 2007 he got the all clear, unfortunately a month later he rapidly went down hill with a very agressive secondary cancer, and we lost him in September 07.

 

He too had just retired in the May of 2007 and never sat at peace at home. The week before he was finally admitted after my mother nagging him to see the doc, he was building the foundations for a summer house in the back garden.

 

Thats why I do a lot of fundrasing for UCan a Scottish based Urilogical Cancer charity based here in Aberdeen.

 

On the otherhand about 15 years ago here in the NE Scotland, Dundee University were doing survey's on men over the age of 50 and bowel cancer screening.

 

My Uncle who was a farmer at the time, got a test kit in, he returned the sample and 6 weeks later he was called for an MRI where they discovered a tumour the size of a duck egg, it was removed and he had chemo and he is still going strong now.

 

He had no symptoms at all, and they reckon with they type of cancer he had he wouldnt have had any til its too late.

 

With your Dad the earlier the symptoms appear the better, and there is a higher chance of cure or remission.

 

do talk to the Macmillan Nurses, as they are there for family as well as the patient themselves, also contact the hospital too, as they will probably have support groups you can go along to and meet others that are going through what you are.

 

Take it from me, that you do not need to go through this alone.

 

Hugs hugs hugs

 

Maz

xxxxx

[MONX]

Thanks so much for your support. It really does mean so much that you all take the time to comment and leave your good wishes and support.

 

Hugs back atcha!

 

Monx xxxxxx

[MONX]

Ok, Dad went to see the specialist yesterday and discussed the results from the scans and biopsy's and what treatment he was going to get.

 

He has bowel cancer however they feel it is considered early onset and that once the offending growth/polyp and surrounding surface of the bowel removed and some radio therapy hopefully this will be over with. They will of course keep tabs on him and test him regularly in order to make sure any re-occurances will be detected early.

 

The specialist was very optimistic and that has rubbed off on Dad, a week ago he was getting his will in order and obviously fearing the worst, he is now daring to believe that he might survive this and his outlook has brightened no end. Also I think the uncertainty of everything was what drained him the most, now he knows what he has got, how they are going to treat it and when he feels a little more in control.

 

I am obviously still scared for him, an operation under general anaesthetic is not a walk in the park, and there is always the thought of complications etc but I am trying to focus on the positive as the news has cheered me quite a lot.

 

I want to thank everyone on here for your kind words and practical help. Dont underestimate how much that means to me, I dont know how I would have coped without it.

 

Thanks

 

Monica

[mazbck]

That is great news Monx,

 

It sound just like my uncle, they caught it early too, and he is still going strong at 79, infact it was only last year he retired from farming!!!

 

Take Care

 

Maz

 

xxx

[Bookworm]

That's good news, and what I was trying to say in my clumsy way.

 

Having said that, getting his will in order is still something he should do, not because he might not make it, but because while he's at it, he may as well, it's something we should ALL be doing. (says she, the worst culprit who's been meaning to get round to it for years! lol)

 

Cancer is never a walk in th epark, and as you say, there are always possibilities of complaications, and he's not a spring chicken etc... but at least, it IS operable, it IS early onset, and he hasn't been handed a death sentence straight from the off, which is a bonus by anyone's standards!

 

Positive attitude is sooo important, people don't realise how much our mind can be our own worst enemy, if he goes in there convinced he will beat it, he has a much better chance to. Sounds ridiculous, I know, but there is plenty of evidence to show the influence of the mind on the body in all aspects, from placebo to hysterical paralysis, from "miraculous" healing to willpower. Keep at him with the information on how much cancer care had progressed, good statistics on his type of cancer, get him to plan a special treat for when he gets given the all-clear (a nice trip maybe?), don't let him dwell on all that could go wrong, and make sure he stays as active as he can, the busier he is, the less chances for him to mull over the potential bad outcomes.

 

{{{HUGS}}}

[woody1066]

I can only send you and your dad my best wishes and hope that my story will give him some hope.

 

4 years ago I was diagnosed with kidney cancer. like your father I assumed the worst and stated to put my house in order. Now here I am 4 years later still kicking (all be it with only 1 kidney) and as ugly as ever.

 

Cancer is a scary word but does not neccesarily mean that the grim reaper is on his way.

[pompeyfaith]

monx fantastic news and im sure everything will be ok for you and what booky was saying about going in their with the right attitude i can vouch for that too as it was the attitude i had when i had open brain surgery 20yrs ago due to a stroke and im still her GOOD LUCK PF

[hilaryfrances]

good news all round

[empowered]

Brilliant news Monx- a bit of PMA can do as much good as some medicines:p Half the time its the fear of the unknown that causes such depression and black thoughts.. now your dad has a plan of action, and it has been caught at an early stage I'm sure he will be all guns blazing now:) Have a lovely weekend x

[MONX]

Ok it has been a while and I thought I would give you all a bit of an update - not all good news and some of it quite alarming!

 

Dad had some radio therapy and the consultant said that he wanted to give it one month before operating so to give time for the radiated part of the bowel to heal before "messing around down there". This was done over a couple of weeks and then he went for an ultrasound to see if the radio therapy had had any impact on the size of the growth.

 

During the ultrasound, one of the specialists who was training another were talking about my Dad's condition whilst he was lying there, the specialist said to the other that "all the indications were that the cancer had gone from being stage two to stage three". None of this information was discussed with my Dad nor explained. it was only when he got home and trawled the internet that he understood what was being said. I was livid! This was not the original specialist, the one who will do the actual operation you understand.

 

Anyhoo we heard nothing for a month and then waited eagerly for a date for the operation... or something from the hospital. Two further weeks went without anything and at this point I was ready to drag Dad back to the doctors to find out what was happening. Two months since his radiotherapy, my Dad can wait no longer and makes an appointment with his GP, the GP comments at how well he looks since his operation as he enters the consulting room to which my Dad then tells him he hasnt had it!

 

The GP gets on the phone straight away and gets in touch with the consultant.......they had forgot about him!!!!!!! The official story is that the consultant doing the ultrasound didnt forward his findings to the consultant oncologist so he just sat and waited until someone did contact him.

 

Even then they were going to make him wait until mid September to have his op and at this the GP went balistic and told them they had better find a nearer date, my Dad has been very ill recently due to the side affects of the cancer (without going into too much detail) and the GP couldnt believe how unconcerned they were behaving.

 

The op has now been booked in for this Friday. I am soooooo angry and am just hoping the delay has not given the cancer an opportunity to become bigger or more life threatening.

 

Looking at the positive, Dad is having his op and hopefully we can concentrate on him getting well.

 

Again thanks to you all for you support and good wishes. it really is appreciated. Hopefully the next time I post on here it will be good news.

[Mungypup]

Oh my lord!! Doctors ignorance never cease to amaze me!!!! Although I know there are the good ones out there, who do care (like your GP) there are far too many who seem to forget they are dealing with people's lives. A friend of mine had to have major heart surgery and her details got 'lost' for a year, until they wre passed to a new cardiologist who thought her scan on her records was taken that year. It wasn't until she rang to see why she hadn't had a check up, especialy as they were worried on her last one that the mistake was found. she had the op and thankfully was fine, but the surgeon said that she was very lucky. I am so sorry Monx for their treatment of your Dad and disgusted for him, although I can't say I'm surprised.

 

Thankfully you have a GP who cares and is going to fight for you and make sure they do all they can. I shall keep all toes and paws crossed for good news this Friday. keep your chin up chuck, as you say at least it's being done this week. Huge mega *hugs.* Hope things with your Mum are ok too.

 

xxxxxx