The Call Centre Wind-up Thread

[InformedSearcher]

When call centres, call (so called) resolution centres get you down be brave and test them out.

I've listed here a few things with, in my case dearly un-beloved HSBC. Someone care to suggest some more? In fact you should remember that you are dealing with faraway places and staff who have no humour which after all is probably why they were employed to do the job they do.

Michael

 

'I was advised that if if I want to, HSBC will pay for a visit to your call resolution centre, I have a promotion code here somewhere'

'Can you tell me about the phone and time costs refund scheme?'

'Can you tell me about HSBC's intention to replace all call resolution centres staff with auto response robotic units as it's all in the terms and conditions and therefore they are no longer required?'

'Can you tell me about your bonus scheme for upsetting costomers?'

'I am told that for making people ill with financial worry HSBC offer to pay for private medical healthcare, where do I get this information?'

'Do you not think for the amount of time I have spent talking to you and giving you professional advice that it sounds only correct that credit by current account?'

'Do you realise that you are employed in various parts of the world other than the UK by HSBC because of your resilience to verbal abuse and humiliation and that they would rather not embarras their own UK employee base?'

[InformedSearcher]

'Is there anything else I can do for you today'.

'I feel after being prescribed medication by my doctor that you sound like a good friend'.

'I take it where you are based that there is no medical treatment available?'

 

.... three more I missed!

Michael

[locutus]

I'm sure everyone read this thread when it came out, but I'll just post it here incase anyone missed it on a similar vein

 

Mans Pants Password Is Changed

[Castlebest]

as a male I have found I can get results from 50% of the call center callers (the females) by pausing for 60 seconds breathing deeply and then asking in a husky voice what they are wearing I know its not PC but when did call centers ever worry about that

 

If the caller is male I just say I'm out

[pinkduchess]

[Castlebest]

I actualy quite liked Rayne's account of his impression of a small child all alone in the house ... My mummy's not here... do you know where my mummy is?....

[InformedSearcher]

Hmm, I'm none too sure about some of these mentioned. I think my theme is intellectual but 'testing' to a level they cannot understand or like. The challenge is to 'twist' them rather than go too overboard. In other words personally I like to think at the end that I've accomplished something rather than just be silly.

Michael

[Castlebest]

The whole point is you can do whatever you want with a call centre they employ phone monkeys with very little training so it doesnt matter what you say to them

[InformedSearcher]

The whole point is you can do whatever you want with a call centre they employ phone monkeys with very little training so it doesnt matter what you say to them

 

Well actually (as you know!) it does. I'm sorry I do not get what you are saying here. They might employ who they do but to blatently demise and redicule them is unacceptable. The people they employ beit in the UK or overseas are there because of a 'need' by their employers. To ridicule and demise them is both silly and unacceptable.

Personally I 'challenge' them. i might make them out that they be fools BUT I do not purposefully play silly games with them - you should never do that because it gains noting and in the end makes you look foolish yourdelf! If I am to face whoever 'face to face' I want to do it professionally and not look the fool before I do it.

Michael

[sillygirl1]

'Is it in your employment terms and conditions that you have to be a complete idiot and ignoramus before you are taken on?' said to one monkey when they said "I can contact your relatives and let them know you are in deep debt, its in our terms and conditions"

 

'I get more sense out of my puppets than I do you...' (said to Hayley Felton of Robinson Way. She was NOT amused!

 

Or my dads classic response to a hunting dca....

 

Brother no 1 '''He's in Rampton"

Brother no 2 "He's in Parkhurst"

Brother no 3 "He's in Broadmoor"

Brother no 4 "When last heard of he was becoming a she...."

 

DCA didn't start on me and my sisters!

[InformedSearcher]

'Is it in your employment terms and conditions that you have to be a complete idiot and ignoramus before you are taken on?' said to one monkey when they said "I can contact your relatives and let them know you are in deep debt, its in our terms and conditions"

 

'I get more sense out of my puppets than I do you...' (said to Hayley Felton of Robinson Way. She was NOT amused!

 

Or my dads classic response to a hunting dca....

 

Brother no 1 '''He's in Rampton"

Brother no 2 "He's in Parkhurst"

Brother no 3 "He's in Broadmoor"

Brother no 4 "When last heard of he was becoming a she...."

 

DCA didn't start on me and my sisters!

 

 

Eek, did someone really suggest they call your relatives?! Now that is not on and I'd then click myself into 'enough is enough' mode. This is a time when you need names of Directors of the financial institutions chasing you to give out as relatives.

 

I guess my worst experience was the DCA called 'Intrum Justitia' where the man's opening comments were 'How much f***ing money.....' and the rest you can imagine. Once he'd stopped I calmly (not that usual for me!) said, 'Thank god for recording devices and my answer is none'. There was silence and I ended the call. In fact that time was shall we say awful as they called daily to my mobile and taught me finally to read the instructions as to how to make a caller groups. lol

 

For anyone interested the whole list of DCA's is here: CSA Website

 

Michael

[sillygirl1]

Yes, they also threatened to tell my employer whereby I would loose my job, I told the guy if I lost my job I wouldn't have any money to pay them and his name would go on the form for the DSS when you say why you lost your job!

 

Suitable complaint was filed with their trading standards (East Ayrshire in that case).

[Castlebest]

If anyone has any misplaced ideas about call centers and the benefits of attempting to reason with these people it might be worth looking at this post

 

http://www.consumeractiongroup.co.uk/forum/show-post/post-2402103.html

 

pete

[InformedSearcher]

You 'cannot' realise with call centres. They have their agendas and no matter what you say to them they have an answer. Put it this way, they would be brilliant fraudsters and I emphasize with Police forces because these people are paid next to nothing to make you life hell (but even if you cannot pay through no problem of yourself you simply cannot win!

Michael

[locutus]

Thats why I feel for people that haven't found CAG yet. I have to say a business model that is to run roughshod over peoples rights cannot last forever. Some day the ICO or other such government body will start enforcing the law and putting an end to this nonsense!

[Fred Bassett]

I hardly ever get calls nowadays, but I did start something off once which I've used quite a few times now. I've posted this before but here is the gist of it:

 

"Is that Mr Bassett?"

"Yes"

"For security purposes, could you please confirm your post code and date of birth"

"Whose security"

"Pardon"

"You said 'for security purposes', whose security are you concerned about?"

"Yours"

"So what you are telling me, is that for the sake of my own security, you want me to give you, a complete stranger calling from a withheld number, the kind of details that could be used to steal my identity. Is that correct?"

"Er yes"

"Goodbye"

Works a treat.

 

Regards to all.

 

Fred

[zither]

That is really good FB mind if I use it before you copyright it?

[Fred Bassett]

That is really good FB mind if I use it before you copyright it?

 

Feel free. As I said, I've posted this before but I think it's a good way of confusing them.

 

Regards.

 

Fred

[InformedSearcher]

LOL I've done that one before with a twist....

Just after the asking for security questions I answered with 'Okay, you first, can I confirm your full name?' - utter confusion. Loads of things you can say after they continue. Not quite in their training scripting!

Michael

[pedross]

Well I really like the ideas from castlebest and sillygirl. Brilliant. These people are ruthless, why get stressed when you can see the funny side.

 

I normally find that if the call is from halfway round the world it normally works when you explain that you spoke to someone from the UK a few hours ago. When they try to continue regardless you just say 'can you not see the notes on your system' I am not prepared to discuss it again I suggest you update your system as you are obviously not being kept in touch. What is your name I want to complain about you phoning me again so soon.

 

That normally does it.

 

Pedross

[InformedSearcher]

'pedros' - Yes they do have the notes. The problem is when the dialler dials and you answer ONLY then can they see the previous notes. The trick is to engage them in so much banter they cannot 'multitask' fast enough. You see normally they only use men on these kind of calls and it's well proved that multitasking is better with women. Having said that I've endured the odd HSBC woman and they are very good till I say, 'You know I am thinkiking of you holding a whip as a dominatrix' and (extra bits! lol). Mind you, you have to ensure their tone sounds right for that diversion. I would very much doubt they'd enter those parts in their notes. The downside is that they do have those notes and I can think you'll not normally see them even with a SAR.

Michael

[locutus]

My problem is I sometimes feel like a good battle of wits, but they're all sadly unarmed.

[sillygirl1]

Had a good one today

 

Them "This is debtrremoval xxx (similar sounding name) we can help you get rid of your debts"

 

Me "No you can't, already dealt with"

Them "Oh, can I ask how you did it"

Me "You can ask but you aint getting any info out of me"

 

Phone went dead - they were cold calling on my mobile, I will have to set it up so they get the recording of foxes mating on answer.....

[citizenB]

'pedros' - Yes they do have the notes. The problem is when the dialler dials and you answer ONLY then can they see the previous notes. The trick is to engage them in so much banter they cannot 'multitask' fast enough. You see normally they only use men on these kind of calls and it's well proved that multitasking is better with women. Having said that I've endured the odd HSBC woman and they are very good till I say, 'You know I am thinkiking of you holding a whip as a dominatrix' and (extra bits! lol). Mind you, you have to ensure their tone sounds right for that diversion. I would very much doubt they'd enter those parts in their notes. The downside is that they do have those notes and I can think you'll not normally see them even with a SAR.

Michael

 

Michael !!!

[InformedSearcher]

Michael !!!

 

 

LOL - It's what might be called 'financial domination' but I doubt it?

Sorry could not resist!! :grin:

Sorry way off topic - I must resist.

Michael