Is there anything I can do?

[stu997]

Hi all,

If anyone can advise me, it would be a great help.

My daughter is 18, and in college over 12 hours a week. She has also just got a part time job.

I am paying my ex-wife through the CSA.in total with child benefit and working tax credits she receives nearly £800 a month. Se also has a job and earns in the region of £1600 take home a month. My daughter lives with her mother, although her mother spends more time at her boyfriends than at home.

None of this money ever gets to my daughter as the ex-wife pockets the lot. My daughter has to buy her own food, has to put money on the prepayment meters for gas and electric if she needs heating or hot water. She has to buy everything she needs out of her own money.

The ex-wife has now told her that what she gets through CSA, Child Benefit and Working Tax Credits is not enough, and demanded my daughter pays £25 a month to her.

This woman is an absolute joke. She is motivated by greed, and does not care who she can force money out of.

I live a long way from my daughter, and her coming to live with me at this moment is not an option due to her college and work commitments. She has nobody else she can go and live with in the town she is in. I have spoke to the CSA who were not interested.

I really do not know what I can do about this situation, and am desperate for some advice.

Any suggestions would be welcome.

[Ros1609]

The CSA won't help here I'm afraid. They are only interested in getting the parent without residency to pay for their children. What the parent with residency does with the money they receive is up to them.

 

Its not wholy unreasonable for parents to charge a token rent. Your daughter is an adult now and still living at home. Once she finishes college then your ex wife's child benefit and CSA money will stop. How does your daughter feel about paying the £25? Has she pointed out to her mum that she puts money on the gas and electric etc?

[stu997]

Hi.

She has pointed out to her mother that her upkeep is supplied by me through the csa. £400 a month is more than double what i have to live on. Her mother is not interested at all.

I agree with the token rent but when it takes all her money its a bit steep.

Its all a total joke how a mother can do what she is.

[Ros1609]

I really don't think there is anything you can do here. I think its between your daughter and ex partner to resolve between themselves

[stu997]

On top of it all she is forcing my daughter to have no contact with me.

This whole situation is really beginning to grind me down.

[Ros1609]

Your daughter is 18 - old enough to decide if she wants contact or not. Your ex cannot stop her

[stu997]

I know that! So does my daughter... But it does not stop the ex making her life hell for doing so!!

[renegadeimp]

Tell your daughter to move out? Perhaps move in temporarily with you until she can get her own place?

[stu997]

Thats what i am trying to do... It is just so infuriating that these type of women can get away with what they do!

[renegadeimp]

Ignore your ex. Sit your daughter down and let her make her own mind up. As long as you tell her you will be there for her, and she wont need to pay things herself, as she has been, then she should be ok. The upside too, is your ex wont receive a single penny anymore. You can pass all that money direct to your daughter.

[*Thumper]

As she lives with her mum ...... I fully understand, the pressure, your duaghter could be under.

 

As for the finances ... I'm afraid there is nothing you can do.

The CSA is there, to take money from the absent parent. and pay directly, to the parent with care.

 

Any other circumstances are never taken into account.

 

But hey!!! .......... it looks good on paper, and wins votes ............ apparently!!

[jadeybags]

Maybe it's just me, looks that way, but why should your daughter be paying anything? That's what child benefit, CSA etc is for? I wouldn't dream of asking my son for any rent etc until he has left school & earning, once the CSA etc stops. He is 18 this month & leaves school in a few months.

As for what you can do about it, I don't know. But personally I feel real sorry for your daughter, her mum doesn't sound a very nice mum

[Rachie1973]

Maybe it's just me, looks that way, but why should your daughter be paying anything? That's what child benefit, CSA etc is for? I wouldn't dream of asking my son for any rent etc until he has left school & earning, once the CSA etc stops. He is 18 this month & leaves school in a few months.

As for what you can do about it, I don't know. But personally I feel real sorry for your daughter, her mum doesn't sound a very nice mum

 

But then of course she may see it completely differently. Maybe there are things going on at home that Dad doesn't know about, because let be honest many teens are more than capable of spinning a yarn and exaggerating somewhat when it comes to playing the parents off. Mine are no different.

 

We only have one side of the story and really shouldn't judge the person not posting.

[stu997]

I totally agree with you there. Some of the things I am taking with a pinch of salt.

However, I lived with this woman for 17 years so know all too well what she is like and capable of.

As I Am going to be left with a debt of £50k after the financial settlement, which is all down to her, I can say that I tend to believe most of whats being told.