suspended for 4 weeks

[princess1234]

one of my colleagues at work is very manipulative. himself and others found what they called my weak spot....to me it isnt my weak spott, its the aggravating provoking sense of humour they have, which annoys me so incredibly. i cant stand people who behave in that manner, as they are so totally the lowest of the low ****, and i dont suffer fools gladly. they come accross as the silly wee children in the play ground after school is out.. grown adults behaving in such a manner is non impressive, and quite insulting to thier gender....im thinking that my whole company is full of these of children playing at being adults..

[princess1234]

monkeychicken, before i was suspended on the 26th november 2012, i had appealed against a final written warning that my x boss had raised against me.

 

but before all that, i suffered just about everyday in his hands, bringing me down infront of others, undernining me, telling me i was useless, i did not have authortiy, i was to sit in the corner and not talk, im not managerial matterial, i will never make it anyway, women have to fight alot harder to get anywere, just awful degrading detremental things,

 

he denied telling me that i could email him on his personal address at home, he encouraged me to txt him, which he denied and put me in for harrassment... not a pleasant place to be in..i didnt report him, because he was very close to the then regional manager, and any other atempts that i made reporting some one, fell on deaf ears..

 

it did not matter if i did anything right, i was at fault for everything anyway. no one wants to listen to me, no one wanted my opinion. i began to believe that me being a female in authority meant nothing..and no man was going to listen to me, no one was going to listen to me about anything. the cause of the final written warning was my behaviour towards colleagues..

 

i was so stressed, so worthless, no confidence and totally completely distraught that i could not take any more...

Edited January 8, 2013 by citizenB

[princess1234]

i know im not suposed to write this. but i am a surving adult of sexual child abuse, its not nice to try and cope and live with that everyday..ive had several failed relationships because of that. even a horrible marriage were severe domestic violence took place..ive survived, im still alive. you dont heal, you cant forget, psycologically both thngs are very very difficult to handle. but to go to work to experience the same things, well it sure puts you off even applying for another job, or even going out the dam door..scared to bludy death i was...my motivation was earning a living to pay my bills...kept me sane....

[princess1234]

people dont understand how hard it is for me to socialise, how hard it is to even attempt a relationship because there are do's and don'ts for my prospective partner...which he has to follow..thats why im single...people run and hide, people just dont want to believe it happens. i dont hide it away, as im not guilty of anything..

[Emmzzi]

princess, have you been back to your doctor yet? You know we aren't really qualified to help with your non-employment problems, this could go on for many weeks yet and I am not sure you are coping very well?

 

I really do think you need to talk to someone. Remember the samaritans are thre, and your GP can help with a referal. Women's Aid also offer support. Lots of useful info on their web site

 

http://www.womensaid.org.uk/

 

Good night and take care

 

xx

[scotgal68]

Emmzzi is right princess, all your anxieties are coming to the surface because you're stressed out about the suspension. Your question was about suspension. It's clear you're still suffering from your past experiences and we aren't qualified to help you. I do sympathise your situation but it's the suspension that needs your energy and attention right now. Go to the doctor, ring women's aid or rape crisis because you need someone to talk to, to confide in. Someone who will help you deal with your issues x

You can talk about yourself, it's your story, your survivor story. But these forums aren't a good place to air your fears and anxieties beside there are people who troll public forums to prey on vulnerable people.

I don't want you to get hurt or taken advantage of Princess. I am talking through experience x

[princess1234]

scotgal, it's everything ive been through at work that brought out my anxieties, and the suspension didnt help, just added to them....we go to work to work, not to be treated in such away that causes us misery.....im ok scotgal, honestly....

[princess1234]

just had an email from work....im shortly going up for a disciplinary hearing, and on my pay slip for it will reflect my suspension pay and dates for December and january...January?...this to me is that i am getting the sack!!!.....what's your opinions....

[becky2585]

It's January now. You're still suspended. So it makes sense your January pay would reflect the suspension... Nothing to worry about!

[princess1234]

i get paid monthly, my january pay is not due until february 10th... suspension pay for january would be on my february pay slip..

[becky2585]

So the January payslip they're referring to surely is for the period when you were suspended in December. I don't see how that infers you're going to be sacked?

[princess1234]

yes, the january payslip is the suspension period for december....we dont receive any pay for january until february. and suspension pay for january should be added to february's pay

[monkeychicken]

Princess I wouldnt read too much into it and worry needlessly.

 

Look at it this way

- if they were going to sack you then worrying isnt going to stop that.

- if they are not going to sack you then you have worried needlessly.

 

So stop worrying.

 

Ask for the charges for the disciplinary so you can prepare.

If they dont give you them in advance make sure you highlight that and ask for it to be noted in the minutes. say you are only participate under duress.

 

See if you can get representation/ help from union/colleague/ CAB/ anyone

 

Prepare well - focus only on the issues, not what you wish it to be. Remember it it for them to demonstrate your "guilt" but also remember they have to prove it "on the balance of probability" and not "without reasonable doubt".

 

If they only give you a few days to prepare, ask for a postponement (if the charges are complex). If they refuse to postpone, check with your GP that youre fit to attend. Judging by your posts, you may well find the stress overwhelming, so a sick note may well be appropriate.

 

Once you know what you are to be charged with, seek any help you can to prepare.

 

 

Regarding you personal issues, I am sorry you had to suffer all that nonsense, but remember not everyone is nasty. Seek professional help. I have never come across anyone who has been through what you describe so dont know how to advise. But dont hesitate to ask for help - its not your doing.

 

Good luck hope things work out.

 

I'll try to advise on the employment issues if I can.

[princess1234]

monkeychicken, thanks for this. can a final written warning still stand if it hasnt been signed?...i know if you appeal against it, it has no jurisdiction whatsoever, and falls to the wayside. because i appealled against one last year, and received a letter today, 09/01/2013, stating that my appeal was rejected..i do not remember signing any final written warning during the meeting. the final written warning was raised on the 28th august 2012, and i appealed on the 31st August against it.

[Emmzzi]

you don't have to have signed it. as long as he manager confirms it has been issues, it stands. otherwise everyone would just refuse to sign.

[princess1234]

so, this pending disciplinary that i am waiting on, will be the final blow then?. God they dont half have it in for some one, they never let go do they until they get you...

[transient]

so, this pending disciplinary that i am waiting on, will be the final blow then?. God they dont half have it in for some one, they never let go do they until they get you...

 

Seems that way if they sent you a letter today regarding a final written warning last year. Although i am not versed on if there are any limitations of notifying you of the appeal agianst one last year

[Emmzzi]

moneychicken gave some great advice earlier on worry... I'd reread it!

[princess1234]

its quite hard not to worry, when everythng was against you from the very begining. and all the effort i put in to sort out my debt, has gone up in smoke...and my career and name branded onto everyone's forehead...

[Emmzzi]

ok. I have advised at least 4 times to see your doctor. you are ignoring that. I think out of paranoia. Which is more reason to see GP...

 

I don't think there is much point keeping answering if you aren't prepared to help yourself. sorry if that sounds harsh, but we are going to keep going round in circles.

 

Happy to help if you have any technical questions, but I am not a counsellor!

 

Good luck.

[princess1234]

can anyone advise?. if you on full payed suspension and you go on the sick, will you loose you pay?...

[assisted blonde]

do you normally get full pay if you are off sick?

[monkeychicken]

belive me princess I have been there. Imagine being suspended for over 3 years and not even being told why except its to do with a complaint made under Public Interest Disclosure Act.I spent every waking minute wondering what I might have done that warranted this complaint. Then imagine your Union rep never being available nor returning your calls, no one to discuss issues with etc. for 3 years!!!

 

I went thru that and came out the other side. So take my advice leave out the worrying and what if's.

 

Going on sick wont help - focus and prepare.

 

go to the GP as others advised.

 

We are all trying to help. If you only listen to ones who only reinforce your views, you will have major problems. We are all trying to help and so far all the advice has been good.

 

Dont give up but prepare and seek help from anywhere you can. More importantly listen. No one is asking you to give up just be clever about how you approch this issue and look at the other sides perspective before the battle commences.