Wife Left Me With 5 Kids

[caro]

Just noticed this ozzy. I'm so sorry to hear about this, but it sounds like you're doing a grand job with the kids.

 

Many years ago my BIL had an affair and left my sister after knowing the other woman for a very short time. He quickly realised his mistake although it took him about 3 months to pluck up courage to ask my sister to have him back. They had no children at the time so not really the same though. They've been married 40 years now and I honestly think he's never done it again. Perhaps your wife will have second thoughts, although obviously you'd need to do a lot of talking and heart searching if she changes her mind.

 

As for sleep - turn off the computer, have a drink of something like hot milk or horlicks if you have it, and then get your head down.

 

School tomorrow so you need to be up early.

 

Take care mate, {{{hugs}}}

[caro]

You're doing the right thing giving them routine which will hopefully give them a sense of stability.

 

It sounds like you should perhaps putting things on a more formal footing to make sure that the children's best interests are the main priority.

 

Divorce, relationship breakdown and family courts : Directgov - Parents

 

It could be worth contacting Gingerbread too.

 

For lone parents

[caro]

I'm so pleased to hear this ozzy. Can't believe how long it is since this happened but I'm glad you and the kids are doing well. x

[caro]

Hi justbeenlifted and welcome to CAG

 

I'm really glad you found ozzy's thread and decided to post yourself. Things must be very tough for you, but it sounds like you're doing a grand job with your kids putting them first. They'll need the stabilit;y of knowing that you're there for them.

 

Are you getting all the benefits that you're entitled to. If you anticipate that your income is going to be reduced, and if you haven't done so already, check if you can get more working tax credits.

 

Mental health is very difficult to live with. I hope your wife can sort herself out, but you're right to make sure your children's future is secure first.

 

If you're struggling with debts, start your own thread or threads, and we'll see if we can get help and advice for you.

[caro]

Not sure if your wife's health issues are new or not, so in case you aren't too familiar with the issues, maybe this link to MIND will give you some ideas.http://www.mind.org.uk/help/diagnoses_and_conditions/mental_illness?gclid=CKGZzcK2jK8CFREPfAodjCWX_w

[caro]

My cousin also has mental health issues which has resulted in her alienating all the family. We didn't see her for many years as she lived abroad, but when she came back when her mother was diagnosed with terminal cancer, the change was obvious and we found out that her mother knew about it but covered it up for a long time.

 

When her own mother died she only seemed to trust my mother, but my mother was severely disabled and couldn't cope with her visits, and asked us not to tell my cousin where she was when she eventually had to go into a nursing home. We didn't even tell her when my mum died as my sister couldn't deal with her being at the funeral.

 

Afterwards we went to tell her mum had died and she was quite aggressive towards my sister when we tried to tell her we felt she needed help, and she would not accept there was anything wrong. I feel terrible that she is now isolated, but there is nothing that I can do to get her help. It has to come from her.

 

As long as she knows that you are there for her if she needs you, I don't think that you can do more. It's a horrible situation for you to have to deal with. It was easy for us to see a difference in my cousin because we didn't see her for a few years, but when you see someone every day it's less obvious and creeps up without being so obvious. There's no point beating yourself about what you did or didn't do in the past. What happens going forward is what matters now.

[caro]

All kids have outbursts, and yours have been through a lot. They must feel it. As well as their Mum leaving them, they've lost 2 uncles and don't get to see their gran. It could be that he's testing you to see if you're going to abandon him too (as he may see it). I remember when mine were young I'd try and give them some leeway, and they'd start to take advantage of it. I'd be trying to be kind to them, but then a time would come I'd have to draw the line, and I was often surprised that they seemed happier for it. Kids need boundaries to make them feel secure. It shows you care.

 

One of the best pieces of advice I had from a health visitor was as far as possible to ignore bad behaviour, but look our for the good things - no matter how small and really praise them. If positive behaviour gets attention then he won't need to misbehave. That's the theory anyway!! Admittedly this was when my children were much younger, and I had my doubts, but it really worked.

 

Don't worry too much about your son, and don't be too keen to pin a label on him. Just give him time to adjust to things, and let him know that you're going nowhere.

 

I feel like flippin' Marjorie Proops here! lol. I'm glad if I can help a little though.

 

For what it's worth I think you're a brilliant dad, and doing a fantastic job in very difficult circumstances.

[caro]

I'm really chuffed for you ozzy and thanks for letting us know. When justbeenlifted posted I wondered how things were going for you now.

 

CAG is all about sharing experiences and supporting each other, but this is the first thread I've seen for single fathers!

[caro]

Chin up JBL. Look at your local council's website and see if there are any free events on in your area. Museums often put on kids activities. Let the kids invite friends over for the day or for sleepovers (they may get invites back), and if the weather is nice pack up a picnic and take them to the park for a game of football or rounders.

 

Have you checked out gingerbread? http://www.gingerbread.org.uk/content.aspx?CategoryID=728