DWP were very good with me when my husband died. Just contact them directly, no offence Martin but it is a different ball game entirely when you lose your husband through bereavement.

Thank you Chainey. It's been tough. I decided to go bankrupt last year. Finally. I have just been discharged as of 20th March 2016, a good feeling. All my kids are grown up now and okay, that means more to me than anything. My youngest has a few health problems, but will be okay, learning to live with it. As for me, ah... marriages, divorce, widowed, homelessness, you name it it's happened. I had a breakdown working for a bank which left me in debt, it was tough as I was bringing up my children on my own, but hey ho... people matter, stuff doesn't. Still single, happy bumbling away working as an artist now, no money, but who cares. Bought a really old van before I went bankrupt and am currently renovating it, using it as a camper - kind of. I go away in it when I can afford to, which is not as often as I'd like. Life is okay, not perfect, but is it ever? Happy days. Take care now, peace & love (old hippy at heart)

[quote name= Word-Soup you really are a star [/quote] Oh hun, my life has crashed and burnt that many times. The last thing I expected was to be widowed weeks after my youngest son's 4th birthday. He's 22 today in fact, wow. Back then my 2nd hubby took his own life, he was only 37 years old. It was such a tough time. Make a list, be kind to yourself, don't overdo it. Do what you can, leave what you can't. Get a standard straight forward letter typed, printed, photocopied if you like with the address blank so it can be written in, change the address for each one and send it out. KEEP A RECORD of all the letters sent. As his wife this lady should NOT be held liable for anything even if it is in joint names. I can tell you it will take time, she will need to send the letters and sit it out. They can't chase her, well they could, but believe me they won't, they didn't chase me. If they do they are a disgrace. She should go to the GP if she can and just get it on record how she's feeling. In case needed for future reference, but only for that. Honestly, I paid no one. No one had a penny and he left me a LOT of debt, some in joint names. Bank loans, credit cards, big bills, utility bills you name it. It all got written off. I don't think I have a copy of the letter I sent out any longer, it was a long time ago now. My mortgage repayments weren't that big, but I stopped paying it anyway. I sat with gritted teeth waiting for them to decide IF they would pay out on the insurance as it was suicide, they might not have. They did, but it took time. There won't be any issue like that here. Tell them not to stress over any of it. The people they will be dealing with have jobs, have families and won't reallly consider it a problem, most of the debts will be either to big businesses or banks who can take the loss. Sit tight. It's important they take care of one another with kindness... remember people matter, loved ones matter, none of this material stuff really matters. Sorry if that sounds odd, but it is how I feel. Problems come and go, we solve them, another problem pops up. If you need to ask me anything at all, feel free.

I agree, but from my experience... even debts that are joint can be queried. I did just that and got a hugs (huge not hugs, flipping auto correct) BT bill wiped, to give just one example. It was around £400. BT took it that the debt died with him. It did take a while, it certainly was not instant and it does take nerve to sit it out. Every one of our debts, joint and just in his name were wiped clear when he died.

Hello, How very sad, deepest condolences to all the family. Tell them to stay strong, I know that is tough, but it is the only way through. My advice, for what it is worth is based on personal experience. My second husband took his own life leaving me with lots of debt, a house, mortgage, 5 children. That was nearly 18 years ago. I had so many debt collectors chasing me, from BT for a huge phone bill he'd clocked up, and more. I was in a bad way for a while, and had absolutely no family support. So, I got a book and started to make lists. I figured if I managed to do just one thing on the list each day I was doing well, if I managed two I was amazing. I stopped paying the mortgage straight away. I paid none of the bills or debts. I drafted a letter and sent it out to all of them, worded a little differently depending on the situation, but quite basic. I asked every one of my creditors to right the debt off as my husband had died. If you don't ask, you don't get. Most of them did. It was a tricky time though because emotions go all over the place and you're just grieving the loss so badly it's really hard to focus. To be clear, I offered them nothing. I asked for the debt to be written off with my husband as he had died. The mortgage took a while to get sorted, the longest perhaps. Still, I paid them nothing and waited. Eventually, the mortgage was cleared from his (our) joint life insurance policy. It is my understanding that you HAVE to have life insurance if you have a mortgage for times just as this. So write to them and wait. I wish everyone all the best and if I can help in any way, or you have any questions to ask, just ask, I will do my best to help.

Thank you Oleg. I am working towards going bankrupt as I can't stand the hassle of all this any longer. I do have someone looking for Charitable Funds to help with the BR costs, I know one offer has come in, just waiting to see if we can get the rest of it together. To be honest, going BR will be a huge weight off my shoulders. My son has been seriously ill, though now on the road to improvement, and everything has just taken its toll on me. I am self-employed and just can't focus on my work at all, and haven't been able to for a long while. Need a clean slate. I take your advice, and thank you so much. I will ignore Westcot (been reading through the forum about them) should they write to me. It seems best to ignore any requests or letters from them altogether. I will also ignore the request from Lloyds Bank, for now. Good point though. I will bear that in mind if things develop in any way from them. I don't particularly want to involve the GP etc., etc., It's none of Lloyds business at the end of the day, stuff them. I have used letter templates off here to keep them all off my back for a long while now, the letters section is very helpful. It's just really nice to receive some re-assurance from everyone on here. Good to know I'm not alone in all this. Your advice is always so helpful. Fingers crossed that I can go BR and be rid of all this angst asap. Thank you so much for your reply Oleg, much appreciated.

ADVICE PLEASE Today two letters arrived one from NatWest, the other from Lloyds Banks. Lloyds Bank are asking for a GP to confirm that I am on anti-depressants and ask what exactly is the nature of my illness. NatWest Bank's letter states that as they have been unable to come to a suitable arrangement with me they have passed my account details to Wescot Credit Services Ltd to act as a collection agent and they will now be dealing with my account. So, what do you lovely people advise I do? I am seriously considering going BR, but in the meantime what do I do? My total debts across both banks are around £18k

Aw, thank you. They have done enough damage to so many people; our banks etc. We have to fight back. The documentary film on BBC called Bitter Lake, highlights that BANKS worldwide have had far too much power over people for far too long, and they are still trying it! They won't get anything more out of me. I confess the naughty side of me desperately wants to stick a pin in my finger and put some blood on the page of my next letter to them. Probably not wise though.... lol

Here is another Charity link that may be able to help with BR fees. http://www.elizabethfinncare.org.uk/get_support/elizabeth-finn-grants/who-can-apply/

Hi there, I am not quite in the same position as you, but I have decided after struggling for so long to go for bankruptcy. My debts total £18-£20k, StepChange have been a great help, as has everyone on this forum. Like you, I struggle with the thought of going BR. I always wanted to pay off all the debts, but the reality is I can't. Slowly, I have faced that. I have been paying £1 to each of my creditors for the last year or so. It keeps them at bay. I was advised to BR, early last year, but didn't want to, still fighting it. Anyway, my thought is, why put yourself through all the hassle of getting back interest, charges, etc., etc. It will be emotionally tough, I feel, and physically draining. Here is a link I found on the internet for CHARITIES that may be able to help with BR fees: http://homepage.ntlworld.com/stuart.blackstock/funding/bankruptcy_fees.html I haven't approached any of these myself yet as I have someone local helping me find Charitable Funding to go BR. All the best... and don't worry.

Thank you Oleg, all is in hand. I did post my debts on here some time ago, it will be still in the threads somewhere under my name. They total around £18 - £19k at the moment. I'm happy giving them £1 each every month to keep them off my back for the moment. I have support, and SSAFA (as my hubby was in the forces before his death) is currently looking to raise the bankruptcy fee for me from Charitable sources. Will keep you all posted on how it turns out. Thank you for your support. Fabulous forum and you have all been so helpful.

Hi Les, Please keep going, nothing is worse than worry over debts. I know from first hand experience. I have had wonderful support on here, and from StepChange who have been a lifeline and as long as you are honest with them they will be very caring and considerate when they speak with you. When I first got into trouble I stopped all the Direct Debits from my bank account for all regular payments, things like insurances, etc., but also Council Tax, Water Rates, and other utility bills. I find it easier to go online and pay them when I KNOW I have the money in my bank account to pay them. That way, the date of the payment is under my control and not theirs, plus it avoids paying possible fees with the bank if there's not enough in there when the DD is due to go out. You can also pay by phone with most of the utility companies, and even Council Tax in your local Council Offices in person. After a long struggle, all other Creditors, i.e., non-secured debts, I sent a letter and told them I would only pay what I could afford to them each month. They accepted this with a Budget prepared with the help of StepChange. They are also NOT allowed to phone me, or call at my door. Most also froze the interest and charges. How much do I pay them each month? £1 to each of my Creditors! And, they have left me in peace for the last year or so. This is a short term solution, but it does work and once I had it in place I could sleep at night for the first time in ages. There is always an answer, there is always a way, just never give up. Fantastic help here, and with other Debt Charities. So never feel you are doing this on your own.

In regard to HP debts. Don't make the mistake I made. I bought a caravan on HP and sold it - I had paid half the debt off, and could have let them take the caravan back because of this, which would have cleared the debt. However, I ended up paying off the rest of the HP loan because I had sold it, and had to make up the shortfall. Lesson learnt. ho hum...

It's okay Oleg, I am now considering bankruptcy seriously though. I have had to be strong, and that strength is unstoppable. If I go bankrupt the banks will get nothing, as I have nothing they can take. I rent my home from a Housing Association and have nothing of value. Onward and upwards I say, and as a good mate once told me: 'Don't let the buggers get you down'.

Oleg - I was told by StepChange that Lloyds Bank wrote the other woman's debt off after her visit! So who knows. I just thought it was worth a try, but only if someone is game enough and genuinely NOT really about to do it. I have first hand experience of suicide as my hubby took his own life in 1998 at the age of 37 and left me to bring up 4 children aged between 4 and 12 all on my own! SUICIDE IS DEFINITELY NOT THE WAY OUT OF DEBT, from one who knows the mess it leaves behind all too well.