Social Media Work Issue

[robinsky]

Good Morning,

 

I have made a conscious decision to leave my job because there is currently an ongoing issue with comments that appeared on my Face Book time line - I just need some advice.

 

Basically, I have written a letter to work and told them that, based on sessions with C.B.T., it was discussed and agreed that closure is needed from this and due to the fact it may trigger another significant mental health episode, I have asked whether or not work would be willing to agree a severance package or failing that, my letter of resignation.

 

I have spoken to my Human Resources and my Trade Union about the comments and they are both under the same conclusion about at least one of them - they also said it was very important about how the comment was written, according to my H.R. Both my H.R. and T.U. rep said there was no serious intent/threat/violence/sexual advance in that particular comment.

 

Also, I have been informed reliably that if you give an opinion on someone's sexual orientation, which, unfortunately, was another comment which appeared on my time line, this is not harassment as it is an opinion. Is this correct?

 

Basically, I read out the comments to an expert (my T.U. rep) and he said there was nothing there that concerned him - he said he had heard a lot worse and also, my H.R. mirrored that by saying that they had been involved in cases which had worse things said/written than anything which appeared on my time line.

 

Can I have some advice on this and are H.R. and the Trade Union right in what they say? I am so desperate to leave my job - it got to the point at one stage where I even had suicidal thoughts, it was that bad. My life has been ruined because of this.

 

Thanks for your help.

 

Regards.

[robinsky]

Honeybee, resignation is certainly one of the options I have put into my letter to work so that could well yet happen - However, I do not want to, under any circumstances, return to work to work out my notice, which is something I have discussed with C.B.T. and will have to discuss with my General Practitioner. Indeed I've hated this job for some time - the recent cuts haven't helped matters, either. There is just no system in the job.

 

I've had a hard time Emmzzi for two months, been through major anxiety (up to the point where I contemplated suicidal thoughts and even thought about doing it). C.B.T. have been an absolute rock in this matter. I have a small amount saved away for the time being which will see me through at least the next few weeks/months. I am looking into self-employed ideas because I find that at least being in charge of yourself, you can make your own choices and do things the way you want to see them done.

 

At the moment, I am just keen to put an end to this nightmare at my current job - somehow, I can't see a happy ending, but if it gets me out, thank goodness. I agree that my happiness far outweighs any job.

 

I think my T.U. and HR are right in what they are saying - surely two experts in the field of what has happened cannot be wrong?

[robinsky]

I quickly read your other threads ( some ) after honeybees comments.

 

I'm glad you are getting CBT it works well (although not for me ).

 

I see a pattern in your threads and that it appears you worry about everything, CBT should help you with this. An example being the work college that mentioned your university leave.

 

It's not easy I know, I can see ways round everyone else's problems but not my own, so I know the answer must come from in yourself.

 

A good line I remember is "worrying is like a rocking chair, it gives you something to do, but doesn't get you anywhere".

 

When you worry, try and think about the problem, why am I worrying. For example the university, most people would have told the college to mind her own business or ignored her and thought to their self what a prat ( or the term you use). The only reason to worry is if you did something wrong.

 

I'm not perfect and not an expert, I'm going through difficult times myself. However when I am in a better frame of mind, I try to not let things bother me, just get through one day at a time, if you fail one day, so what, start again the next day. Let the person trying to cut in front go, don't get upset about the person jumping the que. etc.

 

I guess you had the CBT example;

 

"walking down the road Doris sees her neighbour on the otherside of the street, the neighbour ignores Doris and has a stern look on her face and walks at speed.

 

All day Doris is worried about the neighbour, what had she done wrong, was her car parked too close, was it when she dropped the suacepan last night or was the TV too loud.

 

The next morning Doris was waiting at the bus stop and the neighbour walked up, she said to Doris that she hadn't seen her for a while, Doris mentioned yesterday and the neighbour said she hadn't seen her and was just going into the bank to give them a piece of her mind about the bank charges ".

 

Do what you want to do, if you want to resign, then resign.

 

You have 2 experts in their field and in your organisation giving you advice. What they tell you should be reliable, if you have any worry s, which would probably be "what if's" then ask them.

 

Another thing is perspective, when I have been in hospital, you can't do anything about the outside world, however hard you try and after a while you give up and start to relax and forget about your problems. But that may be why they put me in there ;-)

 

Lastly , have you noticed, when you hear other peoples problems ( most, not all) they seem unimportant, have you thought why?

 

Hello,

 

Yes C.B.T. Has done me the world of wonders. The University leave incident was disgusting in my eyes - they should have let me go without any hesitation. My graduation, for goodness sake.

 

TBH, I am not too concerned anymore - I take the advice of my T.U. Rep and my H.R. As bible - they are the experts here. At best, the comment which most concerned me could only be deemed minor, according to H.R., due to the lack of threat, sexual advance, intent or violence - it would have been different had the comment contained any of those four elements.

 

I am sorry you are going through bad times - I sympathize with you. Hopefully, we will get to the end of the tunnel and see the light. I know I have in regards to my own job. Even if it was me who had written those comments, I wouldn't worry about it because of what the experts said. Also, if I had written them, I would never dream of writing anything which contained the elements outlined above. Its just not me at all. I would have written any such comment in a joke form or a form which I deemed to be harmless. I say jokes all the time which contain those elements, but I never mean any harm. Everyone does, to some degree.

 

Furthermore, I have threatened to resign now if the company does not agree a severance package - according to my father who rung my manager, my manager turned around and said the incident was not that serious. Also, my then line manager told me that it was not a job-threatening incident. However, I received a further email from work and they couldn't categorically say I would not lose my job. Also, they said they would sort the incident via normal post, but it was explained to them weeks ago that I'd be willing to answer any questions by normal post about the work incident.

 

In a strange kind of way, I kind of enjoy my hospital visits, once the anxiety subsides. I've been in a few times. I'm not phased by them extremely, though I have a fear of needles, which is my main worry.

 

Other people's problems are not that much to worry about, to answer your question, more than likely. Its about perspective, as you say.

 

Thanks for your help.

[robinsky]

ericsbrother, I was not even requested to stop writing the comments, despite the fact I didn't write them. The incident, to my understanding, reached the authorities and was dismissed, due to the lack of seriousness.

[robinsky]

Robinsky, sorry if I've missed something. Are your facebook comments being investigated at the moment?

 

HB

 

They certainly are - I've been off work for six weeks because of this. I have spoken to the experts and they have agreed that the comments are not serious enough, at best minor, for the comments I deemed to be the most extreme. My T.U. rep told me there was nothing there that alarmed him, so being the expert, he would know. Even work have turned around and said its not that serious and I would not lose my job. However, there has been a lot of messing around going on - they could have sorted this weeks ago, simply by sending me the questions about the incident through the mail. Just adds to the stress and anxiety. As far as I'm concerned, honeybee, if the experts have said its nothing overly serious, that's good enough for me. I have sent in a letter to ask for a severance package since returning to work, I believe, could trigger another significant mental health episode or failing that, to hand in my letter of resignation. I have no intention of returning to work to work out my notice. That might sound to some unprofessional but since this has happened, I have been through so much, ranging from suicidal thoughts/contemplation to slowly rebuilding my life up again. Its been a nightmare. Now I've written this letter, I hope there's going to be light at the end of the tunnel.

[robinsky]

Smokejumper, I've been through so much through this already that I don't give two hoots about my job anymore - I've been from rock bottom (suicidial contemplation) to slowly rebuilding my life up again. I have lost all faith in my workplace and now is the time to move on as was recommended so many times over - I wish I had listened sooner. Then maybe this wouldn't have happened, amongst notable other incidents.

[robinsky]

There isn't a problem then, you aren't going back full stop. Severance, resignation or dismissal, they can take their pick just hand back the key to the executive wash room.

Finished, just wait for your final pay packet.

 

If you offered them severance or resignation, I think they are going to take the cheaper option .

 

I am going to speak to my GP and explain the situation - I have no intention of returning and having had C.B.T. sessions, it was discussed and reasoned that returning could trigger off another significant mental health episode. I would hope they don't dismiss so resignation might be the way to go - not the end of the world. I'd hope they consider severance pay.

[robinsky]

Emmzzi, the situation had basically left me at absolute rock bottom (contemplating suicide) to gradually rebuilding my life. Yes, I have some MH issues but they've never really come to the forefront since this happened - I think that what has happened at work has caused me to become more susceptible to my fears.

 

To sum up, I was afraid to leave home, put my clothes on etc. I'm a bit better now but I still have my moments. I also struggle to maintain a normal posture, e.g. I can't put my hand hands down to my side as I have issues with my chest that are psychological and I think its a result of this incident.

 

I plan to get a doctor's note again because C.B.T. sessions have made me realise going back won't do me any good - it could trigger another episode and I've lost total faith and trust in my workplace. I don't really care about what the outcome is now - I want a fresh start.

[robinsky]

I would hope that the fact I've been there ten years, they'd consider a severance package. Work keep messing me around, saying the incident is not that serious, non-job threatening and then they change their minds. I go by the advice of my T.U. rep and C.B.T. therapist, regardless if my C.B.T. therapist is an expert or not and also my H.R.

 

All I need to know and was agreed by my C.B.T. therapist is that I need to leave my job and that going back could risk another episode and I am not willing to risk that and take weeks again to get back on the road to recovery. I am making good strides and don't want to change that. Going back to work, just thinking about it, is stressful. I will go and see my GP and get another note and keep signing myself off until something gives.

 

There's more to life than a job, after all.

[robinsky]

I would have thought C.B.T. and the doctor would be expert in regards to my health and my Union Rep and HR experts in the work situation.

[robinsky]

Tell your doctor that!!!

Nevertheless, Grotesque, thanks for all your support - and everyone. I have made the conscious decision to leave my role and am going to talk through this with my doctor. I am satisfied with the support my T.U. and HR gave me originally so now I just need to complete the formalities - I have enough money to see me through and find another job. I'll be glad when this nightmare is over.

[robinsky]

I have come only to the conscious decision to leave this one - its my first proper job. I've been there ten years so I think its a good run. I've been advised on numerous occasions to leave this job and should have listened. I've had nothing but problems since I've been there. I have never actually left a job. I've had a temp job before but left because the contract ran out. Thanks mate. I'm sure there will be light at the end of the tunnel. Fingers crossed.

[robinsky]

see that's what sort oof got me- one of those other threads said you'd been there (somewhere) nine years- and I thought- blimey- same one?! You need to GTF OUT mate it sounds like some sort of roller coaster without the fun stuff (women's bras falling off etc)

That's one way of looking at it - its never been an easy ride, there, at all.

[robinsky]

I'm not disrespecting the complainant, but I've spoken to my T.U. and HR and they have said about the first comment:

 

1) It is not serious enough as there was no threat/violence/sexual advance/intent

 

In regards to the other comment I worried about, I was told

 

1) You cannot be guilty of harassment over an opinion

 

Therefore, as far as I am concerned, I have nothing to feel guilty about, even if I had written the comments. Just been a complete nightmare and the sooner I am out of my job, the better all round.

 

Been messed around so much here and I'll never forgive them for hitting rock bottom and having suicidal thoughts and what I find so disappointing is that my super is no angel either and she's the one who made the complaint. Maybe this is all a blessing so I can move on and find a better job since my current one just wasn't working out. I've been there ten years, so whilst it might seem bleak, there is always light at the end of the tunnel. I'm not the first and sadly, won't be the last.

[robinsky]

Hello honeybee. Yes my friend got sacked, and honest it wasn't me, for posting stuff that mentioned an opinion about a work colleague not by name but seriously you could tell who it was if you knew. and not mentioning the employer, on facebook and it wasn't even obvious to me who she was on her page, if you know what I mean. It was hard to know it was her. Or I thought it was. She denied it obviously but she got sacked and she made a claim to an industrial tribunal and she lost because they agreed with her employer that they thought it was her. Like I said I have been lurking on here for a bit because its interesting, and some other places too and I hear a lot of the I got sacked because of what I put on facebook. I don't want to upset robinsky and I don't know about his or her employer or problems but I wanted to warn them to keep quiet like the monkeys. Its sometimes better to know nothing and have no opinions. I think this person decided to move on and its probably best for them if they are so unhappy like they said but I didn't want them to do the same thing again and get into trouble. I wont say anything about work on facebook now not even I had a good day or a bad day because you don't know who is watching.By the way it was a friend of my friend that reported her to the manager, it wasn't like the employer went looking or anything.

 

Hi there - this is a very interesting case. As far as I am concerned, without being disrespectful to the situation, I trust in what my HR and Union say to me, but really by now, I've lost the will to fight because its drained so much out of me. Work turned around and said to me on more than one occasion it wasn't serious enough to warrant dismissal and only a twelve month warning - also, my T.U. rep said that looking at the pattern of the comments, it was down to two other people involved in the conversation who were causing trouble and nothing to do with anything attributed to my name. I understand what you mean to keep quiet about who knows who etc. However, I need all the support I can get right now. I have made the conscious decision to move on now because my happiness comes first and when it comes down to it, its only a job and I was unhappy there anyway so maybe this is the kickstart I need to find another position elsewhere. Things hadn't been right in my job for a long time. I often wondered how the comments I supposedly made got to the line manager because the complainant was fine with me and all of a sudden, made an excuse to leave the office and then never saw her again and no explanation was ever given as to why she was working in another office, either. I have learned a lot from this and know that even though I had nothing to do with the comments, that I am very careful only to post trivial things on Facebook, as I did anyway.

[robinsky]

Ellenor001, I want to make it clear that you did not upset me. In fact, I found your advice interesting and wise, as well as the case you presented, which was equally as so. I've had many problems at my work, which honeybee and emmzzii will testify to. You are definitely not interfering, so don't worry about that - I appreciate all advice. Yes, social media has become a real outlet for trouble, these days. The comments on my FB page were not that serious and even work said that too, according to my father. They also said my job was not under threat as well, so all things I could use against them if it came to that - I just want to move on, now. The conscious decision has been made.

 

Precisely. There was no threat/sexual advance/violence/intent in the comments. Like you say, agreeing with an opinion is not harassment, but if work can fire you for that, its ridiculous. Also, I was told it would help my case that the comments were removed. As soon as I saw them, I removed them immediately from my time line - this would add clarification that no offence was meant, if I had made the comments or not. You have to be so careful with social media.

 

I don't think you spoke out of turn at all - I feel strongly for what's happened because of how work made me feel - I had suicidal thoughts/contemplations - something I will never forgive the workplace or the complainant for. I don't care about the comments anymore. There was nothing there - I would be more inclined to panic if any of the comments carried a threat etc. I was told an opinion would not be deemed harassment and work are looking at the situation a serious misconduct. Apparently, it went to the police but they weren't interested - not serious enough. Tells its own story. If work are supposed to treat social media like a workplace situation, then they should give an employee a stern warning that any behaviour should not be tolerated and if they repeat it, then take action.

 

I have many things going in my favour - I know when people say T.U. reps aren't experts but other people's advice and theirs has convinced me that the comments were something and nothing that just appeared on my timeline. I think this happened for a reason, as I believe in fate. I was unhappy in my job, so maybe this is the kick I need to get out and find a job where people give more of a concern into what they are doing to try and work towards the greater cause.

 

Have a good evening! Kind Regards to you and welcome to the consumer forums.

[robinsky]

you really sound like you are in a much better place now you have taken control back. Very pleased for you! Next up I hope you are having a wee holiday, and then we want to know how the hunt for the next job, study, volunteering whatever, goes!

 

I am not going to jump into the job search straight away - I'm not sure if I want to work for someone, as opposed to working for myself. Therefore, I'm going to give serious consideration to self employment and if there's nothng there for me, move onto outside jobs. I know not all jobs in the real world are bad, but having had a bad experience, its hard to think 100% logically at the moment. I have got financial security for now so that helps matters enormously. Just waiting for that email or letter from work - if they don't agree the severance, then I'll submit my resignation before they fire me and tell my GP that work is untenable to go back to. My one main fear was that my GP wouldn't prescribe me a doctor's note - I'm not fully over my anxiety yet. I had another mild episode today. It comes and goes. The more I think about work and what may happen, the worse it gets. However, now the conscious decision has been made, hopefully that'll put me on the road to 100% recovery. I will keep you informed of how things go in the aftermath and the job hunt. Thanks for all your sound support.

[robinsky]

Hi,

 

I'm just writing to let you know that I have had a lot of thought over the weekend and have made a conscious decision to hand in my letter of resignation.

 

Interestingly, during the week, work called me and told me that they didn't want to lose me but going back there, I would be doing a disservice to myself and it wouldn't be the same, regardless, as well as subjecting myself to a multitude of problems, time and time again. Best for a fresh start, I think, now. I'm not sure if the phone call was an act of desperation on their part, or otherwise.

 

Of all the things I've been through and being mucked around so badly by work and my trade union, I don't have much loyalty to my work now, especially since the incident had such a major impact on my mental health and being advised, perhaps unwisely, that the consequences of my actions, depending on what the comments were, could result in criminal penalties - welfare are supposed to be there to support you, not send you into a blind panic. It was because of this that I begun to have suicidal thoughts/contemplation - the thought of a civil suit also terrified me and it wasn't until my T.U. reassured me that I begun to relax.

 

When I went back to work initially in February, I was supposed to have a welcome back meeting but this did not happen - they were more concerned in putting me in a temporary position - which I hated, since they gave me so little to do. I had to chase them up so I could get things to do, which is wrong.

 

My first T.U. rep was useful until he broke policy and my second T.U. rep just said he couldn't help me anymore, which was great. I've been through my T.U. again but they never got back to me - so poor. Work have hardly been in touch to ask how I am etc. Just really bad.

 

I can't really forgive work for all of this, especially in light of the fact of a situation they have admitted wasn't that serious and one minute, they're saying its not job threatening, then they say its unlikely and now, they say again its not going to result in me losing my job. Talk about playing games with your mind. As someone else said as well, if I went back, I could never be sure of whose watching you in retaliation for what happened, people's opinions changing and their attitude toward you etc. I can't be bothering myself with that type of aggravation.

 

Therefore, I am going to send in my letter of resignation to work and sort it all out once and for all next week - I am going to look at self employed options first and then move on from that. I am not so keen to put myself back in an office environment, quite so soon. I need a winding down period as this has had a serious effect on my mental health and want to rebuild myself again. I believe going back would just, as others have said, bring me down again and I'm not prepared to revisit that place again. My main concern was a civil suit but knowing that's not going to happen, I'm happy. I mean, I never had much faith in the job in the last few years so losing my job or facing a worst case scenario of dismissal is hardly the end of the world.

 

Thank you for all of your help in this matter.

[robinsky]

By and large, it doesn't matter now because I have decided to leave and hand in my letter of resignation - also, work, as I have stated in another thread, contacted me and told me the situation wasn't that serious and wanted me to come back - can't be that bad, then!

 

However, with the hell I've been through, I can't forgive them for it and going back will open myself up to other problems, besides the one I am currently facing at the moment.

 

All the advice I have had, has been sound and all comes to the same conclusion - if I left, it wouldn't be the end of the world and 10 years is a commendable service - I've never had an easy ride since I've been there. Too many problems there now for me to be bothered going back, in all truth.

 

Also, the person who hacked my account would have taken measures to ensure that they covered their tracks and if they're experienced, then it wouldn't be too difficult to pin the blame on someone else.

 

Now onto finding another job.

 

I agree about social media, which is why I am very careful about what I write.

[robinsky]

So today was the day - have you handed in your notice or was it just another attention seeking cry for help? Hope you found the strength to follow through with what all your posts have been about for the last 3 years, and now you can look forward to moving on with your life.

 

(EDIT: I just read that back and it sounds harsher than I meant it too. No disrespect intended, but I've been reading your threads and it seems like you knew what you had to do years ago, but still haven't done it. How come?) Best, Sx

 

I am waiting for work to send in a letter to do with my investigation and then send in my letter of resignation with that - I haven't received the letter yet so its a waiting game.

 

Yes I am looking forward to moving on, now. Over the course of three years, it has been a very mixed bag - just problems, etc. It wasn't quite as straightforward as handing in my letter of resignation because things got better etc. and I thought that's that and it was very much up and down.

 

To be honest, I always think you know what you have to do - its about having the moral courage of doing it - at the end of the day, back then, it was a job, money coming in etc. It was tolerable whilst things were fluctuating between good and bad and perhaps that was part of me seeking a cry for help, I don't know, but now I know what I have to do - this has been a step too far and has had a poor effect on my health and wellbeing.

 

No job is worth that and I made the conscious decision over the weekend to leave my job - as I say, its just a waiting game on their part now.

 

I reviewed the comments I supposedly made and even work said its not serious, so why put me through all this aggravation, including suicidal thoughts/contemplation? That's not acceptable in my view. So yes, now is the time to go forward and ten years is a good run.

 

The thing is, as a final thought, sometimes things in your job and taking that step forward isn't quite as straightforward as it seems, even if to you it seems like the rational thing to do....