I have been reading a bit more and am I right in thinking I should have had warning about court action? The mediation I referred to earlier was family mediation that i paid for and attended and she said she would too. I am baffled that as I instigated resolving the issue and made offers and attended mediation, that I should be hit with the court process and possible costs if she wins.

Thanks for that it is a bit of a weird scenario, i guess we will have to see what the judge makes of it all. I filed defence and have returned the directions questionnaire so no more we can do. Im hoping the judge will see what a good deal she had and will not reward her spite. I have written satement from her saying the car payments were good will and she does not expect it a few months ago. But im worried the judge will be very black and white about it. To be honest i am surprised they are wasting their time with it. Fingers crossed!

Thank you for the reply. We are already divorced 8months ago) and I have remarried with two further dependants. I am currently initiating a contact order but she refuses to the see the issues as related. She says i agreed to pay so i owe her. I have always happily overpaid child maintenance but have always been able to see my children. I only reduced the money when she stopped access and i told her i would repay it after mediation has sorted a mutually agreeable outcome. Her view seems to be very business like which makes me think im about to lose and she will still mess me around with the kids. Will her unwillingness to mediate change her position in court? I read somewhere the judge will have expected her to have tried to recover money/mediate first? Sorry, this is all very stressful and the bitterness from her has come as a shock.

We are currently awaiting a court date after sending in the directions questionnaire, on which I stated my willingness to mediate. I suggested mediation privately at the end of last year and she stated in an email that she was willing to engage with the process but she did not attend a consultation when the mediation service contacted her. I had been overpaying for 4 years and also paying towards the car. I had also given my car as a deposit. In short I pretty much gave her what she wanted, the problems started when I looked myself at what I should have been paying and realised I had been taken for a ride. When I got the claim I was more angry that she wasn't prepared to pay for mediation but she would pay to place a claim. My defence stated that the car payments were a verbal agreement as were the number of days access to my children which she stopped late last year. In my view it was a matter for mediation, I was more than happy to keep paying I just wanted to see my kids. I offered to reinstate payments to prevent the animosity of court action if my access to the children was reinstated but she refused. Does the fact that she declined mediation or any offer matter to the court? If it's down to pure money then I think the overpayments ive made for 4 years should count towards it? Thank you for the responses so far, I realise I was a bit too vague in the first post.

i split from my wife several years ago. I agreed to pay towards car payments and paid extra child maintenance (extra £70 month). After my ex stopped me seeing or speaking to my children because she wanted more money I calculated the correct child maintenance and reduced payments. After months of no contact with my children she eventually agreed to go to mediation to resolve the issues, I went to my session but she refused. After 3 months of difficulty seeing my children I received a small claim for payments both arrears and until the end of the agreement, totalling thousands. I offered to reinstate payments as long as she reinstated regular access but she refused offer and further mediation through court. Will I have to pay? It was a verbal agreement, but so was the agreement to see my children? Any advice, gladly received.