my mother used to give chocolates to the receptionists at her GP surgery at christmas. i suppose that was inappropriate too. or are you just being sexist??? candidly, i think there are a lot of really sick people in the world. they want to control every aspect of our lives. and i, for one, refuse to be manipulated by them. i did absolutely nothing wrong. but if you think i did then you clearly have no idea of how these people are destroying the fabric of society. the concepts of truth, justice and fredom have very largely been completely subverted by large corporations and those that act in supporting their vested interests. and you would no doubt suppot that just because you can't see beyond your own indoctrination. in summary, thanks for all the well meaning and not so well meaning advice but i'm done here.

i gave her a christmas present last christmas and the christmas 2 years prior to that. i've known her for well over 2 years and i was i'll the christmas 1 year prior to that with severe depression, so i couldn't give her a christmas present that year. and these were her words to me. and no i didn't take them as having any sexual undertones. she was very kind to me and that's the only reason i liked her and was willing to be friends with her. but people will always try to make more of things than is justified. and the accusations i've had thrown at me in this thread are not getting any better!!! well, that's your opinion. and as far as i'm concerned, a very misguided one too. when i was working i had lots of friends. but i lost all of them when i got wrongly dismissed. partly because i no longer live in that area and partly because my employer warned them off too. this check-out girl is 1 of only 2 friends i've made in the past 7 years. if there's a law against being a bit lonely, please let me know? otherwise, try not to jump to conclusions, especially ones that might be considered derogatory. again, you're jumping to conclusions. she would tell me when she was working so i could look for her and she would tell me that she enjoyed our conversations too. so, apart from the odd christmas present, all we ever did was talk to each other about the kind of things that anyone would talk to their friends about. candidly, i feel so traumatised by all of this that i no longer even make small talk with people. if you get slammed for being friendly perhaps it's better being unfriendly. on a completely unrelated incident, a few years ago i was in town when i was approached by a school girl. she said she'd lost her purse and didn't have any money to get home. she wanted 20p for her bus fair. i gave her £1, just to be sure she had enough. and she went on her way. i don't even remember if she said thank you, she was in quite a hurry to get home. i've not seen her since and doubt i'd recognise her if i did. but this matter with the supermarket has made me wonder whether i'd bother doing the same again or just tell her that she wasn't my responsibility and to make her own way home and leave me alone!!! i take it that's the kind of world you're advocating here. anyway, i think i've had enough of being doubted and slandered. if anyone has anything positive to contribute, fine. but i think this has been done to death now.

let me assure you that i'm not currently thinking seriously of doing this. but it is potentially an interesting scenario. and i've covered these questions already but i'll do it again, as this thread is getting quite long now. please forgive any minor inconsitencies that might arise. i approached a member of staff about an unrelated matter. it was only then that they told me that the christmas present i'd give this chreck-out girl allegedly had been interpretted as too romantic and that this had caused her to complain to her management. i'm not really inclined to entirely believe this. i gave her a similar christmas present 2 years ago. no complaint then, i assume. i don't want to be too specific, but it might be helpful if i stated that both were CDs of music that i like and thought she might too. this whole episode only really kicked off about a month after christmas. there was certainly no immediate reaction. when i asked her if she had liked the CD, she told me she hadn't had time to play it. perhaps that explains the delay. but i'm just guessing here. i'll say this again. i genuinely thought we were friends. i've no idea why she couldn't have just said something to me rather than going to her management about this. if she'd just told me she didn't want to see me anymore i'd have respected her wishes. i never forced my attentions on her in any way. i just reciprocated her friendliness towards me. and in all our written communications i've always signed them 'very best wishes'. i can't think that's too romantic!!!

if people don't tell me the truth, that ought to be their problem not mine. and i said i mightn't go back because i'm still livid!!!

i go by what people say to me. if they say things like "i'll miss you, don't forget me" and "come to me, i'll look after you", i would have personally thought that she liked me. as i've said i really thought we were friends. this all came out of a clear blue sky. i was really quite shocked. but i have to consider whether my medical condition has had something to do with it. i don't honestly know. it's just a possibility. yes she is younger than me. and perhaps younger means more naive too. but i didn't think so at the time. candidly, i find this hard to believe. how hard is it to say, 'i'd rather not see you anymore', especially given what she'd previously told me??? the last conversation we had, i'd have said, was perfectly normal. for exavple, i often give her fruit to try as i eat a lot of fruit for medical reasons. and she told me that she liked the last kind of fruit i gave her. if she didn't like me, why would she eat the fruit??? i'd don't know. none of this makes any sense to me. i candidly think the supermarket may have treatened to sack her if she continued our friendship. but i'm only guessing here. i don't see why i should be denied an explanation for this supermarkets actions just because they can interpret things as it suites them to do. i want a coherent explanation not all these chinese whispers. i don't think that's being obsessive. and i don't think it indicates anything regarding potential harassment either. i still intend to write to their head office. i am shopping elsewhere. and i may not go back even if they did reverse ths bar. i think they've demonstrated their ability to be completely unreasonable. but that doesn't mean i want to accept being unreasonably restricted in my movements. for example, i have a physical disability and used to use their disabled toilet. that i no longer an option for me. and i used to meet another friend in their in store cafe. and use their photo booth too. there area lot of faciliies i can no longer use. it's not just about buying food.

i'm saying that i regularly get treated badly by people because they rely on NVC and they misinterpret mine. it's nothing to do with how i behave and everythng to do with how the interpret body language, etc. and no, they won't have forgotten about this in a few weeks time. i'm very confident of that. the person i knew will still be working there.

there was no harassment and asperger's syndrome and PDD-NOS are both ASDs (autism spectrum disorders).

i guess it depends on whether one believe that they should have taken reasonable steps before reaching their decision. i know you'll say they don't have to. but this is where i think this is wrong. and as such, perhaps it should be challenged. that's the only way legal matters progress. if no one ever challenged anything nothing would ever change, for better or worse.

i said take a pop. not win. i know a fair bit about disability discrimination. if they had any sense they'd simply claim they were unaware of my disability. but it might be fun trying.

i don't think you can draw any such conclusion. i tend to fight against the injustices in the world. but that doesn't mean that i don't recognise that much if not most of this is futile. where does that fit in with your analysis??? it does cross my mind that i could possibly take a pop at this supermarket on the basis of disability discrimination. but do i want to??? probably not, really.

this is diverging a lot from the purpose of this thread but c'est la vie. as well as a genetic pre-disposition to depression, i most likely have a mild form of asperger's syndrome, the medical term for which is PDD-NOS (pervasive development disorder - not otherwise specified). i also have dysprxia. this cause me a number of difficulties, the most obvious of which in terms of social interaction are that i don't tend to pick up on NVC (non-verbal communication) and other people tend to take my lack of facial expression and rather monotonic voice as a sign of anger/hostility, which it isn't. i've suffered from depression for well over 30 years and i've been hospitalised because of it twice. i found out about the PDD-NOS about 7 years ago, when these problems caused another mental breakdown and my employer decided to discriminate against me by sacking me when i was fit for and capable of returning to work. over the years i've gained an enormous knowledge of psychology/psychiatry and i dutifully did a bit of digging on CBT. my opinion is that i doesn't address the problems i face because of the PDD-NOS. i'll be a little blunter than that. i thought it was little better than psychobabble. there is a real world out there. and this is what happens in the real world. live with it or die from it - it's not going to change any time soon!!! but thanks for the well meaning advice, even if i won't be taking it.

i've described in some detail exactly what happened here. if they had been aware of why they'd been called they weren't telling me, even though i asked them. it was only when i mentiioned the conversation with the manager at the supermarket that i'd had many days previously that they latched onto the whole harassment issue. i wish now that i hadn't mentioned it to them as i now doubt they had any real reason whatsoever, other than playing 'messanger boy' for the supermarket. and isn't that exactly what's so frustrating about this whole situation. i'm none the wiser than you are. and it seems i may never know the truth of what's gone on here, even though it triggered quite a severe depressive relapse. i've been offered CBT in the past for my depression but i can't be bothered with it because the fact is that there are some really nasty people in the world. and no amount of therapy will fix that!!!

the first letter was addressed to the manager i spoke to. the second to the branch manager. neither stated or implied that i wished to have any further contact with this check-out girl. and if this store doesn't reply and tell me why they've behaved as they have they can hardly expect me to understand why i haven't heard from them. and as for seeing things from their POV. i can't say they've given much consideration for mine!!! my professional background is as an aerospace engineer. i know enough about hierarchial organisations to appreciate that their behaviour has been quite appalling. i'll write to their head office but i'm currently running very short on diplomacy.

why don't you understand that i don't want to go back under the current circumstances. i want this rediculous bar reversed. i'm given to understand by the police that the supermarket will have a complaints procedure. so i've complained. i expect this complaint to be taken seriously not just ignored, as appears to be the case at present. surely, all of that is perfectly understandable??? no they haven't. all of this is chinese whispers (the legal term for which i believe is hearsay). the supermarket have allegedly told me what the check-out girl has said to them. the police have told me what the supermarket have allegedly said to them. not a word of this is first hand. it's extremely frustrating. and legally, i don't think i can rely on any of it really. how on earth can i be accused of harassing the supermarket when it was the police that told me to lodge an offical complaint with them??? in writing to the supermarket, all i've done is follow their advice. this is just too bizarre. i'm not saying it isn't. but that doesn't mean i'm not deeply offended by this little episode. because i am. and just because there isn't currently any legal redress doesn't mean this is a moraly acceptable way for this supermarket to behave or that there won't come a time when this is legally as well as morally unacceptable either.

and i don't think you understand that the police had no idea why they'd been call originally until i disclosed to them what i've stated here. and i spoke to the officer involved at length about this a few days later and he couldn't offer any tangible exlanation even then. let alone actual evience!!! what have i stated here that constitutes actual harassment? nothing AFAIK. and i don't think i've left anything material out. if you disagree with me, please let me know? life's a bitch and then you die - believe me, i do get the picture here!!! i've already stated i've no intention of going anywhere near this supermarket under the current circumstances. and please note: i never said anthing about any warning. a warning is a formal matter. the police advised me that i had been barred from this supermarket (not their job at all IMO). AFAIK, advice isn't the same as a warning. however, to be absolutely sure i'll go and talk to the officer involved again.