Thanks for your kind comments about the story. Situations like this generally require you to either laugh or cry, and if there is to be a choice I prefer to laugh. Thinking about your comment that the ending is rubbish. I have to agree with you - the ending is totally rubbish. But then it is only a story - it would have to be a fairy story in order for the wicked Customer Service to be defeated in the final paragraph, and for every one to live happily ever after. However, this story isn't finished yet...

This is a work of fiction. As everybody knows, all good fiction starts with “Once upon a time”, so please excuse this paragraph, and let’s get started. Once upon a time, there was a little mobile phone company called Now Here that had a slogan ‘The future is Bleak, the future is Now Here’. This little mobile phone company wanted to play with the big boys, so it decided to join with another little mobile phone company called Coffee Nothing and form a new company that would be big. Then it could play with the big boys! So the two mobile phone companies joined together. They wondered what to call themselves, and were thinking they could just join up their names, but Coffee Nothing is Now Here did not sound like a very good name, and the Boss did not like coffee that much anyway and said that this name was way too long. So they dropped some words,and joined others and eventually came up with Nothing Nowhere, or NN for short. And they decided to think about their Execrable Customer Service. The Boss did not know what Execrable meant so he decided to call it their Excellent Customer Service instead, because he knew what Excellent meant, and he thought that at least one part of their Customer Service should be excellent, even if it was only the name. There are some other companies that also appear in this work of fiction. A company called Small and Limp, called SL for short, developed a new mobile phone operating system called Doors, while another company called Thumpier made some smart new phones that used Doors. Thumpier decided to let NN be the only company to sell the best of their new phones. Now there was a guy who worked with computers, and unfortunately this guy was not very cool, so we will call him Uncool Guy, or Ug for short. Some guys who work with computers are very cool, so long as they work with stuff made by Adam’s. Adam’s make all sorts of things, and give their products names like Nose-Phone, Nose-Pad and Nose-Pod. Anybody who uses this stuff is known as a Nose-Sheep, and although they have such a silly name, they are very cool indeed. And Nose-Sheep love to buy all the cool new things that Adam’s makes. Ug works with computers that run SL’s software for computers. Now that is very uncool indeed, and I must apologise for introducing such a low tone into this story, but that is how it was, in this work of fiction. Ug was really interested in the new version of Doors, because he would be able to run the same Doors on his PC and on his phone. How cool is that? Okay, so it is not that cool, not as cool as having a Nose-Book and Nose-Phone. No siree! Ug had had long dealings with one of the big phone companies that NN wanted to be like. But this company didn’t have the new Thumpier phone, so what was Ug going to do? He decided to leave his big phone company, and take out a new contract with NN, shelling out a large number of clams, so that he could get the new Thumpier phone. Well, right from the start Ug had problems with his mail. It seems that the mail and contacts database on Ug’s new phone had got corrupted. What was he to do? Well after Ug had tried several things, some of which made a temporary improvement, he decided that he should ask at the NN shop as to what needed to be done. Poor Ug didn’t know that Excellent Customer Service really stood for Execrable Customer Service. Well the shop said that Ug’s new Thumpier phone should go for Repair, and it would perhaps take a week or two, or perhaps as it was cold, it might take a little longer than that. So Ug passed his new Thumpier phone across to NN, and was loaned a small phone that could not do email, could not do internet, could not take photos, could not play games, had only a tiny screen,could not talk to Ug’s PC and was really only good for making and receiving calls. It wasn’t a bad phone really, so long as you only wanted to make and receive calls. But Ug’s heart wanted more than this – this was why he had shelled out a load of clams to get such a nice Thumpier phone. Ah well, it was only going to be for a short time. Isn’t it funny how stupid Ug was! He totally believed that when NN said that they had Excellent Customer Service, that the Customer Service would be Excellent for him. He didn’t realise that the Customer Service was there to be Excellent for NN. He had no idea that it should really be called Execrable Customer Service. Ug didn’t know that NN was going to lose his phone. Ug didn’t know that NN was going to do nothing, except put him off and say No for six whole weeks. Ug didn’t know that he was going to spend a great deal of time in trying to find out what had happened to his brand new Thumpier phone. Ug didn’t know that he was going to be ignored by Customer Services. Ug didn’t realise that Customer Services keep people hanging on and take so long about things and make everything so difficult that eventually customers give up in despair. The Boss doesn’t understand the word ‘attrition’, but he does know how to run Customer Services in such a way that the most energetic of customers eventually get worn down and give up the fight to get what was rightfully theirs. After three weeks had passed,Ug started to ask for a new phone as it had been a very long time – nobody at NN wanted to give him a phone. Poor Ug. That is probably why Ug is such an Uncool Guy, because he actually trusts people and then gets caught out. Silly Ug! Well one day Ug decided that he had had enough. He was going to cancel his contract with NN, and go to a company that could actually provide a service. Oh no! That sort of thing makes the people at NN very angry, because if Ug leaves, then who will shell out clams so that they can keep their jobs? Isn’t it funny, how Ug has been saying for weeks that he wants a new phone, and NN have said No, and now Ug is saying he doesn’t want a new phone, and NN are saying you have to have one? In fact the people at NN suddenly realised that they did love poor Ug after all, and when he didn’t want a new phone, they offered him two new phones to stay. And after weeks of them not phoning Ug to let him know what was going on, they now phone him cheerily every day. But they still don't tell him what is going on! But never mind. Customer Service insisted that Ug would have to shell out a load more clams so that he could leave, and this means that no people would lose their jobs at NN. Yay! That was getting a bit tense there for a while – what a good thing this is just a work of fiction. The Boss chuckled as he stroked the cat, and said “Our Customer Service really is Excellent”. Poor Ug is very unhappy, but at least the Boss is happy. And now Ug has to shell out loads more clams, and doesn’t have anything at all to show for it. The other phone companies don’t have the new Thumpier phones, but would Ug want to try another of those after this bad experience? Don’t miss our next exciting instalment…