Before Christmas last year, a friend came to me, asking to borrow money,she said she was having difficultly keeping up with her mortgage payments. At this point, instead of putting them further into debt, I helped prepare a 'statement of means/I&E statement' for her and her husband to give to the court. They appealed against the impending judgement, and the debt was rescheduled by the mortgage lender.
It transpires that the mortgage is in arrears again, and, once again, the courts are involved as they have defaulted on the arrangement made at the start of the year. I again declined to lend money, instead offering to assist with correspondence and seeking the right advice.
Now, there are a couple of layers of complexity to this story:-
She lied in January, she hasn't told her husband about ANY of the arrears, he believes she's making the payments and everything is rosy. She forged his signature on the court paperwork I helped her with. She goes home each lunchtime to destroy any bank statements, letters, etc etc.
She told me that her arrears were £6k and were due to her being off work on SSP for 3 months during 2006 plus and additional amount applied as charges. When she presented the arrears letter, she's in 12k of arrears, all accrued in the last 12 months. When I asked why she had lied, she had no answer, other than to say that she knew I wouldn't lend her £12k, but I might lend her £6k!
She hasn't made any attempts to cut back and address the arrears, she is still buying clothes, drinking, decorating the house etc, etc and it's only the shock of the court action that seems to have had any impact.
She is presently attempting to borrow money from personal friends, promising to pay them back within a month or two. She has no means to do this.
I advised her that I was unwilling to proceed with helping her, based on the fact that it meant I was party to deceiving her husband. I urged her to tell him or said that I would. She flaty refused on the basis that he would leave her. She sobbed and said that she had already written a letter to her children, apologising for taking her own life. She went on to say how she has a supply of pills and will take them if he finds out.
There are heaps more facts, I suspect there is more debt than she is telling me about. I also strongly suspect that her husband has given her the money for the mortgage, but she has spent it. I have frequently been amazed how a part-time receptionist can afford to have new clothes every weekend. This could be a very compelling reason for her not to want him to know.
So I have a few options available to me:-
Firstly, is to break her trust and tell the husband what is going on. This isn't something I relish doing. I suspect that, even with a positive resolution, I would be vilified for being the 'whistleblower', thus losing their friendship. I also have to consider if her suicidal threats are real.
Secondly, I have details of the mortgage lender, including contact name and account number. I appreciate that DPA prevents them discussing the account with me, however I wonder if the lender would be interested in knowing her husband is completely in the dark, together with his direct line at work. Anyone have any thoughts on this? The lender is Platform.
Another take on this, is to call him at work, leaving a message as though it were from the mortgage lender, asking for him to contact them to discuss the arrears. I'm not keen to do this, however, I will do it, if others think it is a wise course.
Lastly, I do nothing, accept that their domestic arrangements are nothing to do with me and let the ramifications affect the innocent. However, I feel morally bound to consider the needs of a hardworking husband and two school-aged children.
It may be worth adding that the husband comes from a family who would appear to be able to assist them financially/legally/professionally, if their son knew!
So, what would you do? Or, does anyone have any insights or shared experiences, please.
Even though this isn't my problem, this is the third sleepless night I have had. One of the many reasons I left personal lending many years ago!